PAP47
"It's okay to cry, Free..."
I bit my lips as I look away to avoid his eyes. I wonder, did I wake him up when I got up from our bed?
Dinala ko ang aking mata sa gilid ko at tumulala doon. My eyes watered until I felt a tear fall from it. I can feel Cell's stare at me, but my tears continued falling. Mahina akong tumawa at umiling.
"I was just thinking..." sabi ko at tumingin sa unahan muli. A tear fell from my eyes again. "Memories... don't last."
I didn't know how I ended up thinking like it while looking at our old portrait. I just know that it hurts in my chest... realizing that truth.
Simpleng tinuro ang larawang nasa unahan namin ngayon kung saan ako natulala ng mahabang minuto. "It has been there for a long time. I can see it a lot... kahit normal na araw lang, nakikita ko 'yan, nadadaanan. But you know... while looking at it right now, I realized that I don't remember their faces anymore..." My voice broke.
Ngayon ay kaya ko silang kilalanin dahil nakaharap ako sa picture nila. It tells me what they look like. But honestly... without it, I cannot visualize them in my mind anymore. Everything about them is already fading in my memory. All of them are just a blur. Their looks... their smiles, the sound of their voices, their laughs, the moments we shared together... their warmth... everything is already far away from me.
Maybe I didn't just move on... I just really forgot about them already. Today, I get reminded of them a lot, and it hurts just to think that even I... the last person who can remember them vividly... also can't recall who they are before.
"It must be natural... because you're still alive and they are not," Cell answered. It was harsh but very true.
"I don't wanna forgot our son..." ani ko kasabay ng pag-agos ng luha sa pisngi ko.
It will just be all the same. A part of being able to move forward is the fact that you'll have to leave them behind while you continue on your way. Ngayon, napagtanto ko na kapag mas lumalayo ka pala, kapag mas tumatagal na... hindi mo na sila matatanaw. You wouldn't see them... and even your memories won't show them to you anymore.
"I don't think I can move on. I don't wanna move on."
"It doesn't have to be today. But soon, you need to. We have to..."
Lumingon ako sa kanya. "Pero, Cell..."
"You won't forget about him," he declared strongly before he looked at me.
I shook my head. No... it's not. No matter how much love is left to me... it would just be the same as how I forgot about Mommy and Daddy, Aster, and Sage. It will just fade away, too. Lahat ay matatabunan din ng ibang ala-ala. Paano pa ngayon saglit na panahon lang naming nakasama ang anak namin?
I bet saying that I won't move on right now is just also something very absurd. Because time will still steal my memories from me.
Pwede bang hindi na lang muna tumakbo ang panahon?
"Listen, Free..." sabi niya at hinawakan ang dalawa kong braso upang iharap ako sa kanya. Tinaas ko ang tingin ko para tignan ang kanyang mukha. He raised his hand to hold my face and brush my tears softy away using his thumb.
"You just feel like you forgot about your family already because they are not on your mind all the time. But you still remember them. Why would you feel sad right now if you don't? You're right, our memories fade... that's why we don't only remember through our minds. We also keep it here..." he said, removing his hand on my face to point his forefinger near my chest.
