PAP45
"Feeling better?"
"Hmm..." nakasara ang mga mata kong sagot.
Rinig ko ang malalim na buntong hininga ni Cell. I listened to his footprints until I feel the bed move. Umupo siya sa tabi ko. Binuksan ko lang ang mata ko noong maramdaman ko ang pagkuha niya sa kamay ko. He searched for my eyes.
"Can't we just go to the hospital?" he asked. Marahan niyang minamasahe ang palad ko. I didn't complain because it felt nice.
"Hindi na nga. Parang dati lang 'to..."
Hindi siya nagsalita at tinitigan lang ako. I tried to give him a smile to calm him down. Parang kinukumbinsi ko na rin ang sarili ko. I know that it's getting worst. These days, I'm always having a hard time breathing. Dagdag pa iyong iba pang mga masasakit sa katawan ko. Ni ayaw na nga ni Cell pumasok sa trabaho. I urges him to go since there's a lot of people here who I can call whenever I need to. Pero ayaw niya talaga. He just stays at my side all the time.
Katulad niya ay iniisip ko rin kung anong dapat kong gawin. But going to the hospital is raising my anxiety. Mali ba ang pakiramdam ko noong una? Pero akala ko ay magiging maayos na...
"I don't think so."
"Nagtatanong ka kung maayos ako pero hindi ka maniniwala?" I asked, putting a little sound of disappointment in my voice to convince him. Actually, wala namang kaso saakin 'yon. I know that he's making assumptions not only based on my answers but also through his instincts and what he can see.
"Are you telling the truth?"
"What's the point of lying? Ako din naman ang magsa-suffer kung magsinungaling ako," I reasoned out. Mukha naman siyang nakumbinsi dahil sa sagot ko.
Totoo naman. I always tell him what I am truly feeling— kung nahihirapan ba ako o ayos lang. For now, it's quite hard, but I know I can still handle it.
"I'll call your OB," paalam niya saakin.
Tumingin lang ako sa kanya at nagbuntong-hininga. I nodded slowly, realizing that he won't be stopped. It's fine, though. I think I also need to hear from her. Binitawan ni Cell ang kamay ko at tumayo mula sa tabi ko para kunin ang cellphone niya. I just watched him.
There's a lot of mothers who gave birth successfully to a healthy baby even with preeclampsia. I searched about it. Ganon din ang sinasabi ng OB ko. Maybe that's why it gave me assurance, too. It'll just be a little harder for me. 'Yon lang ang pinagkaiba. Hanggang ngayon, pinanghahawakan ko pa rin iyon.
Cell didn't go out of the room kaya rinig ko ang mga sinasabi niya. Tahimik lang ako habang hinahaplos ang baby bump ko.
"Good morning, love..." I whispered very low. I'm sorry I didn't greet you earlier. Mama had a little struggle—I continued in my head.
Recently, I found it entertaining to talk to my baby. Alam ko na para akong nagsasalita mag-isa. Pero kasi, pakiramdaman ko ay lagi ko siyang dama. He's with me. He's connected to me in a very special way...
I was so focused on speaking in my head when I felt Cell walk towards me again. Lumingon ako sa kanya ulit para malaman kung anong pinag-usapan nila. I'm sure that the call already ended because he put his phone down already. Akala ko nga noong una ay ibibigay niya pa saakin para ako naman ang kausapin.
"So?" I asked.
There was silence for a couple of seconds. Bumalik siya sa pagkakaupo sa tabi ko katulad kanina.
"Why don't you wanna go to the hospital?"
My eyebrow twitched. "Pinapapunta nya ba tayo?"
"Why don't you wanna go?" ulit niya. It's like he doesn't want to be away from the conversation.
