𝙄𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚? - 𝙧. 𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙖

¡ thirty seven

Y/N pov

I woke up early today. At least it was early for me AND it was a Sunday. I hate Sundays, they are the worst.

I woke up around 7AM I think. I'm not complaining though, at least I got a little bit of sleep last night after not being able to sleep properly. Something kept me up. I don't know if it was the thought of that bastard in my own house and leaving my mum there, if it was that still confusing topic on Suna's ex or if it was Osamu's statement.

'Just be careful' yea no shit sherlock but what do you mean.

I still don't know what the fuck he meant with that and I haven't got the chance yet to talk to him alone. It made me rethink a few choices I made though.

I thought about my current situation and reality hit me right in the face. I'm literally living with my boyfriend together at the moment whose ex is probably trying everything to basically destroy me and my reputation right now. Not that I had a reputation to lose. But I'd rather have no reputation than a bad one. I was okay with 'not being known' at school, though that drastically changed in the past few days with me dating a volleyball player, especially since they got into nationals which is basically the only thing people talk about at school right now.

And probably most people at Inarizaki already saw the photos of my drugged unconscious ass, which I — to this day, still not remember being taken. I will never forgive the people that dragged me into this situation back then. I mean it was the final trigger for me finally moving places. I didn't need that kind of drama here, but I guess luck isn't really on my side at times and it haunts me.

I just laid in bed, still being hugged by Suna and letting my thoughts take over, which to be honest probably wasn't the best idea.

Since Suna's parents wanted to go somewhere with Nika today and she wasn't sleeping by my side anymore I figured they already left. I don't even know where they went, but for now since Suna was still sleeping I had a bit of alone time.

I got up and tried to get out of Suna's embrace. Somehow he even holds me tighter when he's asleep than when he is awake.

I made my way into the kitchen and scrolled through my phone checking if I got any texts.

But there was nothing, it was still really early to be fair.

I wasn't really hungry or feeling like eating right now, I'd rather wait for Suna to wake up and eat with him anyways.

So i just boiled some hot water, made myself a tea and leaned against the kitchen counter.

While twirling around in my tea and waiting for it to cool down a bit I got lost again in thoughts and basically stared into nothingness. I never said i was good at distracting myself.

At the moment I'm at a place in my life where I just continuously feel confusion. Once I think I'm happy and can live without any bad things or distractions, something comes up and immediately ruins it.

Once I think I'm content with my life some motherfucker decides to fuck me all over and take my happiness away.

It has been like this since my dad died, it has been a vicious circle all over again and again. 

Man I miss him so much.

He knew me better than anyone else did and I could tell him everything. He was my motivation, he understood me and listened.

If I think back, I never really talked about my dad with anyone besides Michi and Suna, not even with my mum. It always felt like she invalidated my feelings so I just stopped telling her things to be honest. If she doesn't know anything about me she can't use it against me, at least that's what I told myself. I never said I had a healthy relationship with my mother. Of course we had our good and funny moments, everyone does. But it mostly just ends in a fight with her and I was tired of that. I wouldn't even know how to tell her that I was in a relationship. She thought I was staying with Michi this whole time.