For Her | Sequel to 'Number 7' | Aizawa x OC Fanfic

Thirty: Empty

After hours of crying, I felt dehydrated. But that was nothing compared to the ache I felt in my chest. There was absolutely nothing that would alleviate that pain. Nothing Shota did or said could help either. In fact, nothing I did or said could help him. Both of us were stuck in a chronic state of pain.

Eventually, I needed to be by myself, but Hizashi's apartment offered me no privacy and I didn't want to hog the only bathroom, so I gathered some of my things and told everyone I was going for a walk. Shota had tried to stop me, but I assured him I would be fine. Still, he asked where I was going, so I told him I was going to my old house. I had never sold it in case we wanted to leave the dorms, so it was still mine and it was the perfect place to go so I could be alone.

To give Shota more comfort, I grabbed my phone and turned my location feature on, just so he would know exactly where I was.

The walk from the school to my old home was long, but for some reason time passed quickly and I was soon standing in the front yard- my mind having been fully preoccupied with other thoughts. Slowly making my way to the door, I shoved my key into the lock and stepped inside, surveying the empty room in front of me. All of my belongings had either been packed and moved, or they were now covered in furniture plastic to avoid moisture and dust from damaging anything.

Everything was quiet. There was no hum of electricity in the walls or creaking pipes from the water heater. Everything was still.

Heaving a shaky sigh, I made my way to the bathroom and stepped inside, my eyes flickering around the familiar room. Shutting the door behind me, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked... tired, dead inside, and defeated. More defeated than I had ever looked before.

Tears stung my eyes as I looked at myself. Echiko is dead because of me. If I had said something about the note earlier, perhaps we could have stopped Toga from using his blood to kidnap our daughter. If I had thought faster and made my escape, Toga wouldn't have taken her right out of my arms.

I had her. I had her. I had her. Now I don't.

Those words ran through my mind constantly, never letting me forget that this was my fault. She was in my arms. I HAD HER. And now she's dead.

Letting out a scream and sob at the same time, I keeled over, holding my stomach as the nausea attacked me once more. Hot tears burned my cheeks and eyes as I remained bent over, the tears spilling from my cheeks and falling to the floor.

Falling forward, I gripped the corners of the sink, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. This feeling I was experiencing right now- this hopelessness and loss- it was never going to go away.

Was I ever going to be able to stop crying? It seemed like every time I did, the tears would come back. I couldn't control it. I couldn't keep them at bay.

Looking back up at my reflection, I found that I couldn't stare at myself for long. 

"AAAHHHH!" I shrieked, punching the mirror and shattering the glass. But I didn't stop there, punching the mirror over and over until every piece of it was in the sink and on the floor. Then, I turned my attention to destroying the bathroom, kicking holes in the walls, destroying the ceramic sink, and breaking the shelves off of the walls.

Thoroughly exhausted, I stumbled backward and tripped over the bathtub, falling into it but not bothering to right myself. Instead, I pulled my legs into the tub and continued to cry in a ball.

I stayed like that for a long time, not having the energy or the desire to pick myself up. I wanted to die. Truly and sincerely.

Tilting my head back and resting it against the ceramic wall, I stared at the ceiling, tears still streaming down my face.