For Her | Sequel to 'Number 7' | Aizawa x OC Fanfic

Thirty One: Aftereffect

Akiyasu

The constant chatter around me was what made me finally open my eyes.

Once again, I was surrounded by several friends. Hizashi, Keigo, Ryuko, Nezu, and of course Shota. As my memories came back to me, I felt mortified. I wasn't supposed to survive. But of course I did. Whatever guardian Angel was on my shoulder refused to let me die. How many times had I been hospitalized now? The USJ, the bank heist, the time I had been turned into a villain, when Akuhei had impaled me with two katanas, Christmas Eve when Shigaraki had attacked me, the trap we set a few months ago before Shota lost his leg, the war, and now my suicide attempt. That was eight times in two years. How many more times had I been injured but not hospitalized? When Stain had hurt me, when that shadow villain had attacked me at the pharmacy, when those bone creatures had broken my arm, and when I had narrowly escaped being bombed. Clearly there was some higher power refusing to allow me to die.

Shota was the first to notice I had woken up, his hands grabbing one of mine and holding it gently between his palms. "Hey. You're awake."

I couldn't look at him. All I could do was dissolve into tears, instantly unable to speak through the knot in my throat.

He didn't say anything, instead he moved up the bed and sat beside me before he pulled me into his chest.

I knew the anger was coming. He was going to yell at me or say something that I deserved. But I wasn't ready to hear it right now.

Yet, when Shota pulled away from me, he didn't look angry. He just looked sad as he smoothed my hair down and held my face, my tears wetting his hands.

For a moment, we both searched each other's eyes in silence. Then, his brows furrowed together, tears brimming his eyes. "Why would you do that?"

The question felt like a punch to the gut. Answering honestly was out of the question. He already knew why, but saying it out loud would only hurt him that much more.

So, instead of telling him that I wanted to die, I went with the explanation for why.

Taking a deep breath and trying to swallow the knot in my throat, I shook my head. "I'm fucked up, Shota. I can't do this anymore, I can't do it."

He still held my face, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks gently. "Yes you can. I know you can."

Gently pulling away from him, I buried my hands in my face and cried hard, completely broken and defeated. "I'm not as strong as you think I am." I sobbed to him. "I'm not as strong as I thought I was."

"It's okay to not be okay, Akiyasu. But you need to ask for help. You can't do that to me. You can't leave me alone."

His words made me cry harder and he responded by pulling me into another hug, his deep voice reverberating within his chest. "I can't do this without you, my love."

Turning into him, I hid my face in his chest, feeling embarrassed that everyone knew what I had done, but also hating myself. Hating myself for being weak, for allowing myself to fall so far, for failing over and over, and for doing something that hurt all of these people around me. When I finished crying, I wiped the tears from my face and pulled away from Shota, but I kept my head down, unable to look at anyone.

"Akiyasu," Keigo spoke up, stepping closer to the bed but still not getting eye contact from me. "I can't begin to imagine what it's like to lose a child. But this is not the way to deal with that. There are people that love you and don't want to lose you. Not just Shota, but Eri and all of your friends. We want to help you."

I sniffed, picking my head up but keeping my eyes on my sheets. "I know."

This time, Hizashi moved closer, but he knelt beside my bed and forced his head into my view. I couldn't look away once our eyes met.