The book worm

33

You know bad days happen ,bad weeks happen things over all just happen and there's nothing you can do about it .
My hair is wild curly bits frizzing unwilling to compromise the bags under my eyes only enhanced by the eyeliner I poorly scrubbed off.

Hunter's jacket no longer smells like him but I continue to wear it because it hides the stains on my shirt .
My shorts ride up my ass seeing as I was going commando and just threw sweatpants over them , I look and feel rough I've had two redbulls and a pop tart .

I just gotta get through class , get through homework fix myself go to work and finally go to sleep .
I need a hug

Hunter and I have been so busy I didn't realize how much I anchored myself to him . And his affection.

I hope he doesn't feel as if I'm dragging him down .

I walk from class to class in a zombie like state .

Simply fazing though the day .  I smile , I wave . What does it matter passing faces chatter in the wind not even my own thoughts are my own .

I stop I take off my glasses and pinch the bridge of my nose feeling a full ache in my head .

10 ... just get through the day .

       9 .... Everything is going to be ok. 

8.... You're doing what you can.
        
             7.... Focus on the task at hand

I slowly count down I realize I must look crazy , standing in the middle of the walk way .  One foot in front of another 

My phone buzzes .

I ignore it , Just another email just another useless spam message.

I turn the corner and the smell of cigarettes and coffee invaded my senses.

"Hunter" I mumbled 
  I missed him , I isolated myself from the only form of affection I get . It was driving me crazy.

"Aja are you ok doll" he responds.

I missed his voice.
   I take a step forward...

I missed his smell ...
I wrapped my arms around him and hid my face in his chest .

I promised myself I wouldn't cry , I just had to make it through the day .

My glasses fog as they uncomfortably press against my face .

"What's wrong" he asked

I shook my head I've always known my head and my emotions , I know when I'm sad I know when I'm mad and happy but I didn't have a word for this .

Was it that my mom was always gone was it that my father was gone too , was it that I have so much to do and not enough brainpower , willpower.
  Am I not as put together as I thought .

I'm unraveling.
  I look up at Hunter and he looks at me .

My mask starting to chip and break away.

I let him go I turn and walk away .

"Aja how am I supposed to help when you ice me out" he grumbled.

"Hunter I don't know how to put it into words" I sigh .
  

"I'm just "

      "Tired."