The book worm

39

Kitten.

I love him .
I named him fez , I'm keeping him , mom never let me have a pet for the fact that she said it would die and I'd be sad about it but because this kitten is a baby it should be ok as long as I take him to the vet and get him cleaned up .
  Poor thing must have been sitting in the elements for ever .
    I kinda miss my mom I think because now that I'm an adult we have separate paths in life maybe she thinks her job is done , she's never had the chance to be a teenager but she gave me a good life and now I am where I am . Not to mention all the things I've done with hunter, I can confidently call him my first real intimate boyfriend. , first boyfriend kinda ever I mean
  I think Hunter is coming home today .
I'm so excited I can surprise him with a kitten and some homemade meal . when you live in a small town there's not a lot of options.
I shake my head as dinner goes ding , I'll leave that to cool while I get ready .
  I got this really cute teddy bear lingerie set, did I buy it for him no but I think he will think I'm adorable.

Which I am.

I prepared to take a shower myself and get a call .
   " AJa , can you hear me" it's my mother.

An odd time for her to be calling .
" hey momma what's up ?"
" This weekend I have a really important seminar and I would like- no - I need you to come"  this is her no negotiation voice .

I sigh .

I don't really want to ,I've gone through this before this is so she can network for me or with me I want to make a name for myself but it's a process with the huge shadow being casted .

Really my thoughts are elsewhere

I huff at the empty notification bank for some reason hunters not returning my calls and he was supposed to be back days ago it's safe to say I'm worried . We haven't been dating long but I hope I haven't bored him into being with someone else.

"Momma -" I start . She's my mother and gets so excited when I'm there to support her . So of course I'll go even if I don't particularly want to .
I roll my eyes , I'm an adult and I should be acting like one but honestly I'm grumpy .
"I'll be there ."  She sounded happy as a I hung up after sending her love I sit nude on the toilet it's almost a quarter past ten , why does this bother me so much. And why isn't he picking up my calls , what if he's,ghosting me .  Fuck that would suck.

The lavender steam fills the air and I sit idly on the toilet . My anxiety now peaked.

Frantically I text and ask if he's ok , I asked if everything was ok , I ask if it was something I did , was it something he did that he simply didn't want to admit, why aren't you picking up your goddamn phone . That anxiety quickly turns to anger my texts get more and more cruel as tears weld up in my eyes but I feel nothing but suffocating hot steam . " please just pick up "  sent.
"Put up your fucking phone " sent , can I even say that I have a reason for getting so mad I'm fucking worried.

I slam my phone phone on the stacked pajamas and step into the scalding water , I rub my skin raw and as fast as I could because now the scent of lavender is nauseating.

After twenty minutes I step out in silk pjs and ate the dinner I made then crawling into bed ,the side he slept on , it doesn't even smell like him anymore but it's the memory fuck I really miss him .
Is this the mindset of someone who's been kidnapped.

After they feel protected and safe they only want to be with that person.
I've never wanted to crawl into someone's skin like I have him .
He's perfect and for Fucks sake I just want him to pick up the phone .

Whatever .