Collateral

Naked truth I

I try to sleep but every time I close my eyes I see the accident in my mind. I play it in my head over and over, I see myself trying to handle the car, I pull on the brakes but it doesn't respond. I feel trapped, I can't breathe, I ask for help but no one listen.

I hear Khan's voice far away, his voice comes closer and closer but I can't see him.

- Esra? Esra, wake up.

I open my eyes and realize I'm in bed. Khan holds me by the shoulders, he looks very worried. I'm panting, al sweaty, Khan pulls me into his chest.

- It's ok, it was just a nightmare.

He pats my back and kisses my forehead. Slowly I start to relax.  I look up, Khan look at me with such tenderness it makes my heart warm but I look away.  I'm afraid of this feeling, I shouldn't feel this way. 

Khan keep stroking my back, I inhale the scent on his chest. Soon I go back to sleep curled in his arms.

In the morning I wake up alone in bed. I sit up, I still feel pain but I'm not so tired anymore. I get up slowly and walk into the kitchen. Khan is at the stove, when he turns and sees me he immediately comes over.

- What are you doing standing up?

He leads me to a bench and sits me down.

- Khan, I'm fine. I'm tired of lying down. You had a lot less rest after being in a car accident and shot in the same day.
- Good try, but you're going back to bed. I'll bring you something to eat.
- Can't I even sit here watching you cook?
- Esra, you need to rest.
- What? Are you afraid of me distracting you while you cook? 
- Esra...

Khan sighs and gives in to my request,  he puts a plate of food in front of me.

- Eat and goes back to bed.
- Yes sir!

I salute, Khan just rolls his eyes.
He sits in front of me in silence while I eat. After a long moment without saying anything I look at him from under my eyes.

- Will you be watching me now?

Khan blinks, I don't think he even noticed he was staring at me. He still seems to be tortured by what happened.

- Esra, how did this happen?

I lay down the fork and take a deep breath. It was not the first time I've been in a dangerous situation but somehow I'm feeling more fragile now.

- It was very fast, I thought I saw an animal on the road so I tried to apply the brakes but it didn't work, I lost control. When I saw the car was already spinning.
- When I saw the car abandoned on the road... I thought..

Khan can't finish the sentence, he closes his eyes as if reliving the pain.

- You should be used to it by now.

I try to joke about the situation, but Khan doesn't laugh. He looks at me for a moment, studying me. I think he realizes I'm trying to change the subject.

- Why did you leave so early without saying anything?
- Mrs. Zehra called me, I left in a hurry.

He looks at me like he knows there's something else.

- That's all?

I shrug digging on the food in front of me avoiding his eyes.

- I saw what you did to my mom.

I stop eating and look at him.

- I didn't do anything she couldn't do for herself.

I look away again.