Jack & Lucy

Lucy

My brain turned on before my body did this morning. I was flying through every aspect of last night and none of it seemed real or made any sense. How did I go from cursing Jack to confessing my love for him in a matter of hours? It really is a fine line between love and hate. 

I found the bed empty when I woke up and was unsure when Jack would be back. I scanned his room and wondered if he really was this neat or if he still had a housekeeper? I just dumped my clothes on his floor last night while he dropped his in the hamper system he has divided by color. 

I texted Stella that I had tea that I was desperate to spill but didn't want to talk to her where Jack could overhear. Her flight was delayed from Seattle, so she wouldn't be back until tonight. I told her I would find an excuse to leave the house so I could fill her in on everything but in the meantime, I was trying to figure out what to do next on my own. 

I didn't know how I was going to approach Jack. I had no idea if he woke up thinking we were together or by him saying he wanted to take things slow, that included wading into whatever this was. I was grateful that we didn't sleep together, I would have really been on overload this morning because I hadn't fully decided on what I wanted. Did I want to walk into Mag's holding his hand and introduce him as my boyfriend? Yes. Did I want to post a picture of him kissing me on every social media platform that I was signed up on? Yes. Was I ready to move on from one cheating bastard to another potentially cheating bastard? I didn't know. What was I doing and what did I want? I always just thought I wanted Jack to see me how I saw him. I never really thought about what dating Jack Dalton would be like. There was a lot that I was now hesitant about. 

First, there was his sexual history. I know of fifteen girls alone that he's hooked up with and I've never really wanted to know his "number". But would it be rude of me to ask for an STD test? Or confirmation that he's not currently sexually active with anyone? 

Then there's his flirtatious attitude. His charm works on any female from the bar to the old lady at the farmer's market. Being cute and outgoing is just ingrained in him. It could never bother me before because I had no claims on him, but now that I do, would he cut back on all of his smirks and sexy quips to every woman he encounters? He's never had a girlfriend, so I don't know if he understands everything that comes with it. I'm going to want quiet nights with just us, days on the lake without his posse, and trust that he's not texting his Rolodex of women. I love Jack, I love who he is as a person, the only thing I'd change is his magnetism. I want to believe that I'm the only woman he's interested in and I don't know if I can do that yet. 

This brings me to my biggest hang-up. My baggage. I was just engaged and living with a man in New York less than a month ago. I lept into that relationship, despite my gut telling me I was only doing it because my parents finally approved of something I was doing. Was it really a good idea for me to dive headfirst into another relationship when red flags could be all around me? I knew I shouldn't care about what anyone thinks, but my parents will assume the worst if I am in another relationship three weeks after my last one ended. I didn't need to give them any more proof that I was the fuck up. That I ruined my chances of a happy life in New York. They'll assume I blew my life up for Jack and I wasn't going to let Blake be the victim in this. 

My mother's spidey senses must have been tingling because my overthinking is interrupted by my buzzing phone. I lift it off the nightstand and I see it's a text from my mom.

Mom: Lauren just informed us that she'll be here from Weds to Saturday next week. Would love a family dinner if you're not too busy. 

I roll my eyes. If I am not too busy. I know that was a dig because she tried calling me three times last night while I was working and told her I would ring her when I wasn't busy. I sigh and type back: I can probably make dinner work. What night?