Jack & Lucy

Lucy

I forget how well Stella knows me. I tell her literally everything, so I shouldn't be surprised when I see her blonde head come shooting around the corner. I just ordered the cookie dough cheesecake after my bread basket was dropped in front of me. I wanted to come cry while carb-loading in peace.

"You just gave us all a heart attack," she snaps when she spots me. She charges over to me and I drop my head into my hands. "You could have just texted me that you were leaving."

"Stel, I just needed a mental minute okay?"

"No, not okay, Jack just had a full meltdown." She tells me and I pull my face out of my hands.

"What?" I then see Jack striding over to us, but I can't read his expression. My heart squeezes and I had already decided what I needed to do as soon as I got to the Cheesecake Factory. This isn't going to be easy and I thought I had more time to prepare my speech.

"Seriously, Luce?" He says when he gets close to me and the bar is crowded enough that he has to squeeze between pub tables to get to me. I then look at Stella and then tug her down so her ear is next to me.

"Can I stay with you for a bit?" I ask and she pulls away from me in shock. Her wide eyes are trying to figure me out and when I don't add anything, she shrugs and says, "Of course."

"I need to talk to Jack."

"I think that's wise," she agrees. I tug her back down to me and say, "Wait for me though? I'm gonna need to go get my car and stuff from his house."

She leans into my ear as she says, "You're seriously going to do this?" I swallow hard and she looks like she might cry. She looks at Jack and he goes white.

"You're going to break up with me in a Cheesecake Factory? A day after you told me you love me?" He asks me in shock, reading our expressions. The tears I was holding back spill over.

"I was going to do it at your house, I wasn't expecting you to come here."

"Wow, Lucy." He gasps in astonishment. He is pissed. "This whole time everyone has been telling me that I am the fuck up. You were convinced I was going to pulverize your heart and this is how you want to end it? Without even talking to me about what happened?"

"I'll wait outside," Stella tells us but Jack holds up his hand to stop her.

"No need. Lucy. You know how I feel about you. When you figure out how to talk to me like an adult, you know where to find me. But when you look back on us and this moment, know you made the wrong choice." Jack spins around and pushes through the bar. I feel Stella's hand on me and I turn to bury my face into her.

"Oh, love," she coos, and I feel her long arms tighten around me. I sob onto her gold dress and then panic that my mascara is going to ruin it. I pull away just as the waiter drops off my cheesecake.

"You don't want to go after him?" She asks and I shake my head.

"I need to figure my shit out, Stella. I can't let Jack be responsible for my rollercoaster of emotions."

"He wants to be there for you."

"I use you and him as a security blanket to not deal with my shit."

"That's what friends and boyfriends are for. To lean on," she says softly while pushing my hair behind my ear.

"Was Jack your ride?" I ask her and my pivot has her scrunching her eyebrows together in confusion.

"Yeah, Fischer was behind us."

"Can you see if Fischer is still here? Can you go get my car from Jack's? I don't want to fight with him tonight. I just need space and a breather." I beg and she hesitates before nodding. I know she doesn't agree with what I am doing, but she's letting me do it anyway. She texts Fischer and then looks up at me.

"Fischer is with Jack in the parking lot. He'll take me to Jack's."

"Thank you."

"Are you sure I can leave you alone? I really don't feel comfortable having you Uber."

I nod, "I am a big girl Stella. I'll finish up here and then head to your place."

"Give me your phone then. I am turning on your tracker," she demands and I hand her my phone. I glance at my cheesecake and realize I have no appetite.

"You're not going to get plastered and then get an Uber, correct?"

I shake my head, "No, Stella. I just need a minute. I don't have a death wish."

"You just seem to be making a lot of questionable choices tonight, Luce. I had to ask," she snaps and I glare at her. I don't want to take any of my emotions out on her so I don't respond. I'm glad to know she's Team Jack though.

"I'll meet you at your place soon, okay?" She doesn't push it, she just rubs a soothing hand down my arm and then leaves me to wallow in peace.

I feel more alone than I did when I got here. I just needed a mental minute to try and decipher all of the feelings that washed over me after reading that stupid text. I pluck the fork off the plate and stab into the tall spiral of whip cream. I cram a spoonful into my mouth and then just start sobbing. If anyone is looking at me right now, I feel like I could be a meme. I have whip cream oozing out of my lips while I just tilt my head back and sob. I press a hand against my chest and then frantically look for my purse. I shockingly have some cash and drop a ten on the table. I slide the chair out and then push through the crowd to get outside.

Why do I push everyone away from me? Why did I insist on being left alone in Scottsdale at a fucking mall? There are people everywhere, staring at me as I heave next to the fountains. I have to call an Uber and the poor driver is going to think someone died.

I hear my name coming from somewhere and I spin around to find Fischer striding toward me.

"Come on," he tells me as he pulls me into his side, guiding me over to his car. "Stella and Jack didn't want you left alone." My hands are still clutching onto my chest and he opens the door to his Cayenne. I drop into the seat and curl into a ball after getting buckled in. I hear Fischer settle in next to me, but he doesn't start the car right away.

"Despite you stabbing my friend through the heart just now, I am still worried about you."

"Don't be Fish, I am the worst," I say, muffled by my fingers.

"How so?"

I drop my hands, allowing Fischer to see me ugly cry as I sob out, "Jack is trying to do everything right, and it's not good enough. It's not fair to him! I have to work on my own shit instead of dragging him through it. I just assume the worst of him. He makes me better and I drag him down."

"He told me what Keeley said to him."

"I don't even know what she said. I got mad that he didn't tell me and then automatically believed her side of the story. I assume all men are lying cheats and that's not a problem Jack should have to deal with. He deserves the best and that's not me. I'm not fishing for compliments here, I know it. I need to work on my shit."

"But Jack's past behavior enhances your insecurities about this, right? So Jack does have partial blame in this."

"It's like I want to change who Jack was. I can't. I have to accept him for who he is now and I can't because I just think he's lying. Or hiding shit. He's probably exhausted having to constantly defend himself to me."

"You can't work on this together?"

"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

"Did you just quote Batman to me right now?"

"Two-face. And yes. Do you see now that I am a mess and just need to take a step back?" I tell him and my breathing is finally under control. How do I explain that I don't want Jack to start to hate me because of my insecurities? How do I tell him that his word is not enough for me at this time, but I don't know what is enough either? Jack is trying really hard to be a good boyfriend and I am constantly making him think that his effort is not enough. I know what it's like to feel like you're not good enough, no matter what you do, so why would I put that pressure on Jack? He deserves better.

Fischer finally starts the car and he lets me cry in silence as we make our way to Stella's.