Revelations

Chapter twenty eight

Breath Gracie, breath! Pull yourself together. You can do this for your Mum. Just put on a brave face until you get home, when you're alone you can scream to your heart's content.

I promised myself that, but now I just wanted blood. I was so angry. I'm sure I could spray a little claret all over the place now and I'd blame it on trauma.

How could they take my gramps, now my Mum? He, too, died of cancer, and now my Mum was dying from the same thing. It wouldn't sink in. It was only just reaching my brain, but it wasn't functioning. It didn't want to know that. It wanted it to all be a lie, a big fat lie. It wasn't fair.

I felt like every person I love, gets taken away from me. I wasn't ready for them to take my Mum too. I knew what I had to do. When we got into Ben and Jerry's I popped to the loo and texted Taylor: "I need you now!" I sent it hoping he would reply straight away. I waited and waited, then I heard the ping.

I opened the message and smiled: "I'm on my way. I'll text when I get there."

I looked at my clock it was three in the afternoon. He wouldn't get here until around eleven tonight, but I replied anyway: "Ok see you soon."

I looked at myself in the mirror. The person staring back at me was not going to give up. I banged my hands down on the basin I wasn't ready for what happened next. It broke in half. This solid marble sink just broke.

Oh my! Time to go, I think. I giggled. So this is the strength we have. Shit, next time I'll do it a bit more gently. I walked out of the loo and saw Mum at a table near the window. A lump came to my throat. No! No! Don't! Not now. I swallowed hard pushing it back down. I walked over to the table. As I got closer she smiled.

"Hope you don't mind, I ordered our favourite." Sure enough there was a big bowl of Ben and Jerry's fish food, and two spoons.

"Dig in, honey." We smiled at each other, then she went blank.

"Listen till I get my head around everything, can we keep it between us? It will break your Dad's heart and he will blame himself."

I nodded. "Sure Mum, but do one thing for me, please, don't give up."

She nodded, "Ok, I'll try."

I shook my head, and she looked at me and said, "What?"

"You! You're more worried about how it's going to hurt others, so you suffer in silence not to hurt them. You're so selfless. That is the main reason I won't let you give up."

She nodded. "Gracie I'm counting on it. You're not just my daughter, your my best friend and while I still have you I have everything to fight for. No matter what we've all been through, and whatever happens, I'll have no regrets, just precious memories."

I wiped away a tear that had somehow escaped the wall I'd built.
I quickly wiped it away hoping she didn't see it. My phone pinged. It was Taylor. Oh great. What? Is he gonna bail out on me?

But I was shocked when I read his text: "I've just checked into the Pavilion Grand Hotel. Come as soon as you can."

It hadn't even been two hours. I bet he's been here the whole time. I was pissed at him, flipping stalker.

I didn't reply. After we ate our ice cream we took a slow walk home, it was a few blocks away. Mum always liked the fresh air and her walks. We held hands all the way home.

It reminded me of going to school. Mum would never let go of my hand. I remember a plaque I got her for mother's day once. It was true what it said, "You can only hold my hand for a while, but you can hold me in your heart forever!" And that's just what she's done.