Dysphoric (DNF-ftmGeorge)

Part 22

Har har hello
Yo right so so ok so right I'm trans man yes? Right.
All trans masc/a lot of enbys can agree that getting your hair cut short is so fricking euphoric!
I cant stop smiling when I look in the mirror.
I wait for my fringe to reach my nose and then get it cut short again and it's a big difference and I'm just so happy.

Ahem-
Anyways bestie-

Dreams pov:
(A few hours before the fight)

I left George's room while he was still building a treehouse in Minecraft, the other boys had left some time ago but George was fully invested. "I'll be back, just getting a drink." I told him.
He got off my lap and I left the room, I walked downstairs into the kitchen and grabbed a glass.

"I'm going out to see Skeppy and get groceries, be back in a couple hours." Bad announced before leaving the house, the door slamming behind him. 'Why is he in such a hurry?' I questioned.
I filled up the glass with the ice cold liquid and set it down on the side as my left pants pocket vibrated.

I pulled my phone out and smiled at the contact, I pressed answer.

"Hi honey." Her voice was sympathetic and soft.

"Hi mom, what's up?" I asked sceptically, it was a random time to be calling.

"Dream, I'm really sorry..." she apologised.

"Mom? Hey, what's going on?" I panicked, I had never heard her like this before. It was obvious she wasn't calling to just check in.

"Honey, patches got hit by a car. We tried to take her to the vets but unfortunately there was nothing they could do. She was in too much pain and they had to put her down. I'm sorry, Dream." She explained, her voice was gentle and you could hear the frown on her face.

"...what?" I asked, shocked. I couldn't- I didn't want to believe it.

"I'm so sorry, Dream. I told you I shouldn't look after her, I told you I lived next to a busy road." She continued.

2 months ago, I gave Patches to my mom to look after until everyone was more settled in, I couldn't bring her right away since I wanted to be properly prepared.

"So this is my fault then?" I scoffed, unable to process this new information properly.

My mom sounded shocked by this, "nonono of course not it's just that you-"

"Mom." I interrupted, I didn't want to stay on this call any longer, I sighed, "mom, I'll just... I'm sorry, mom I'll call you later."

"Okay, Dream. Talk to you soon."

I hung up. I didn't know what to think about this. It just didn't seem real.
I just felt so angry in that moment.

I sat at the island and drank my water as my mind recapped over the words spoken on the phone call.
'Surely not. There's no way.' Those words kept repeating in my head.
Occasionally, phrases like 'it's a prank right?' Or 'is there someone else I supposedly know called patches? Distant cousin maybe?' Sometimes even 'wrong number that sounded like my mom?' Crossed my mind.
I was trying desperately to find an excuse, procrastinate my reaction, I didn't want to deal with that.
This is the worst news I could've possibly received, and some of the worst news id ever actually received.

I couldn't keep track of my thoughts, all of them jumping around and hard to catch, I ended up just staring off into space when Sapnap came downstairs with his two boyfriends.

"Hey, dude." He called over after realising I was there. I didn't even notice they had entered, "hey." I responded not even breaking eye contact with the kitchen walls' tiles.
They immediately continued with their conversation.

I didn't even hear what they were saying, I was so busy thinking about the call and doing whatever I could to not react. I didn't want to cry, I hate crying. I just wanted to skip to the stage where I've moved on.
But Patches just didn't feel dead.
It didn't feel real at all.

I was so lost in my own mind I wasn't paying attention to the other boys' conversation at all.
Until I heard George's name mentioned and my reality sank in a bit again, subconsciously I heard it, the rest of the sentence.
But nothing fully clicked till I heard that one word. That one three letter word I swore to protect him from.

"And she- oops shit I meant he-"

"What did you say?" My attention shot towards them, I don't know what happened but I piece of me just snapped, I couldn't even control the words that left my mouth after that. My emotions just felt amplified (online emotions amplied I try to let them pass me by tear drops we've made friends between screens and deep seas-) by the tornado of mixed feelings I was feeling towards the news of Patches passing that they all just collided into one big mood swing of sorts.
I felt so much anger towards one small mistake that I usually would've just let slide, maybe just shoot him a 'dont do that again' look. But something happened and I just couldn't control myself.

Maybe patches passing was having a worse effect now that I was trying to stash those feelings away? I didn't want to deal with it and now I'm faced with the consequences.

I wasn't feeling myself when I shouted at my uninformed best friend.