A Storm of Flames and Deceit

30. Not Caring

Eris

Glamouring her tonight should be a crime.

She looked too beautiful for me to change anything about her, for me to twist my magic to divert attention, to divert affectionate stares. But I couldn't give her a true date if we were to go out as high lord and high lady. We would be treated different, and that would bother Neph. After making her cry yesterday, I don't think I can stand so much as to see her brows scrunch together these days.

I hadn't slept even a little last night. I just lied awake, thinking about how I could hurt Neph in such a way, even as she dozed in my arms peacefully. I didn't deserve half her forgiveness- I didn't deserve her at all. How could I be so blind? Make her feel as if I don't want her when it's my job to make sure she knows how special she is?

I just wish she could see herself through my eyes, see herself how I see her. Come to think of it, I'm glad I'm the only one who can see her beyond our glamours tonight. There's something so special about being the only one with the privilege of seeing her in that dress, plum and silky, tailored to her lithe body, the skirts flowing gently to her feet, casting a slit up each of her endless legs. Her sleeves and neckline were full, but the gown was backless, making me glad I'm not sitting behind her.

"This is quite the place," she looks around the quiet restaurant just outside of town. "You must take all your dates here." She wiggles her brows tauntingly, but I roll my eyes.

"If it's of any comfort, I've never been on a date either," I tell her. "I was never much a romantic until I met you."

She gapes as if it were so unbelievable. "You've never been on a date?"

I snicker. "I never saw a point," I shrug. "I never cared to get to know anyone before you."

She smiles. "That's strangely... comforting," she chuckles at the ridiculousness. "To know your heart has only ever belonged to me the same as mine has only ever belonged to you."

I love it when she does that, when she takes something fundamentally flawed in me- like my reluctance to bother with emotional connections for others- and turns it into something positive. It's more than just her being an optimist- it's like she sees me in a light when others have only ever seen me in shadow.

"How's everything looking?" The owner of the restaurant comes by as we bite at our food, offering us a massive smile.

"Delicious as usual, Geralda, thank you," I reply, meaning it. My blackened salmon was perfect, the spices dancing beautifully across my tongue.

Geralda bows her head, her silver hair swaying over her face. "You flatter me, Eris- save room for dessert," she gives me a warning glare, and I chuckle, even as Nephele looks mildly shocked to find that someone recognizes me. "We have lemon meringue tonight."

"You know I can eat a house when you're cooking, Geralda," I wink, and the old woman giggles, waffling off.

"You know her?" Neph asks, and I nod.

"She can see through the glamour," I explain. "I let her. She used to cook for me in the palace when I was growing up. I've known her for centuries."

"She cooked for you?" Nephele glances at her pasta- which is nearly gone. I nod.

"Always told me how it was her dream to open up her own restaurant one day," I tell her, recalling fondly as I cut what remains of my salmon. "So I got her fired."

"Eris!" Nephele whispers frantically, swatting at my arm, wondering what the hell os wrong with me as I chuckle. "You got that woman fired?"

I smile, rolling my eyes. "I faked food poisoning when I was around ten," I explain. "That way she would get fired and be free to open up her own restaurant. Father never would've let her go if I hadn't done that. She was too good of a chef."

Nephele blinks, a smile falling on her lips. "You're insane," she accuses fondly.

"Maybe," I reply, taking another bite. "But what kind of high lord would I be if I denied this sort of cuisine to my people?"

Neph rolls her eyes, kicking me beneath the table.

...

"Would you have wanted to know me?" She blurts as we walk silently through the town, beneath the twinkling lights of shops and bars. "You know, if we weren't married, if I were just some girl you met out sometime... would you have wanted to get to know me?"

I blink, briefly surprised that she would ask such a thing, briefly surprised with my instinctual answer. "I'm not a very curious person," I answer quietly. "I don't often find myself wondering about things. Sure, I like reading about interesting things in book, but if I never find the answer to a question, I don't lose sleep over it. It's what made it so natural for me not to care for connection all those years before you."

She adverts her eyes, her hand twitching in mine. "Oh."

"But the second I saw you," I chuckle under my breath. "Neph, I didn't just want to know you, I wanted you to know me. I wanted you to see me and like me despite what I am."

Her gaze jerks to my bemused face as I smile up at the moon. "And he'll, I certainly tried to lie to myself, to try and reason away the draw I felt to you, even before I knew you were my mate..." he shakes his head, as if the instinct was so fruitless. "I still don't believe in love at first sight, but I believe in you. I believe I knew how important you were going to be to me the moment I met you." Not because she was beautiful, but because she was her. Because she was defiant and fierce and funny and smart and unbroken.

She smiles, nearly moved as she slips onto her toes, kissing my breath away on a crowded street corner, where we looked like any other foolish couple, young and in love, not caring who knows it.