My Ex-Boyfriend Is My Professor (Under Edited)

CHAPTER 34

"It is legit? Hindi ka ba nilalagnat?"

Natawa ako dahil sa sinabi niya at niyakap na lang siya dahilan para yakapin niya ako ng mahigpit, hindi tuloy nawala ang ngiti ko.

"You really love me right?" He asked again.

I chuckled. "Did you just doubt my love for you?" Biro ko at kumalas sa yakap niya.

Agad na nanglaki ang mata niya at sunod-sunod na umiling tila batang pinapaamin sa kasalanang hindi niya ginawa.

"No! It's not like that. It's just good to be true, that's why." Mabilisan niyang paliwanag.

Matamis ko siya nginitian bago siya hinalikan sa pisnge dahil para magulat siya at halos manlaki ang mga berding mata niya. Malakas akong natawa sa naging reaksyon nito.

Cute.

"Now, it's me will doubt your love." Ani ko sa kaniya nakita ko ang halong takot at pagtataka sa kaniyang mga mata ngunit hindi naman ito nagsalita. "Do you really love me?" I seriously said.

Napakurap ito sa harapan ko ng ilang beses ngunit agad rin napagbuntong hininga bago yumoko. Napakagat ako sa pangibabang labi ng natagalan siya sa pagsagot kaya babawiin ko sana at sasabihin biro lang ng inangat niya ang kaniyang ulo sa akin at tinignan ako ng seryosong mukha niya ngunit ang mga berding mga mata nito ay may halo-halong emosyon.

He slowly smiled at me sweetly. "Love is too weak a word for the way I feel."

We are all waiting for fresh starts, hoping for new beginnings, clinging for drawing new chapters of our lives, but deep down we are somehow terrified of that very beginning we wish for.

We are afraid of getting out of our comfort, of the possibility of failing again, being dissapointed again, of reliving feelings we hated, of meeting our dark self, but in the same time we are probably more afraid of the things we may loose, the people we may gradually let go, because when new things or paths enter your life for sure some will be lost and that's probably the most terrifying idea about it all.

But the very scary question is, are we ready to let go?

Because my answer are already change. From no to yes. Because of him, I learn that there is nothing wrong to hold in someone again after everything happened.

"Bakit ang tagal naman niyang magising, kuya?" I asked my brother while looking at my father sleeping in the hospital bed peacefully. Kakapasok ko lang sa kwarto at yun agad ang naging bungad ko sa kuya ko.

"Let just pray that he will wake up, Lex."

"Ang tagal na kuya!" Inis kong sabi. Napaangat siya ng tingin sa akin, walang emosyon bago binaba ang tingin sa mga papel na nakapalibot sa kaniya.

"I'm tired, Lex. Stop argument with me right now."

"Then, stop killing yourself in studying!"

He shook his head. "I can't. Go home, Lex."

Bigla na lamang bumigat ang damdamin ko habang nakatitig sa kaniya, nasasaktan ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. Gustohin ko mang umiyak ay hindi ko magawa dahil tila nagiging bato na yata ang luha ko at ayaw ng lumabas pa dahil napapagod na. Gusto kong sumigaw ng napakalakas at tanong Siya kung bakit kailangan kong maranasan ang ganito buhay, hindi na napapagod pang masaktan na para bang nagiging manhid na ang kalooban sa sakit at kalupitan na dala ng mundo sa akin.

As someone with lots of mental health issues, there's never been a day that comes that I wouldn't wake up with a heavy feeling. I don't even know if it's a delicate sadness or just a pure emptiness. I anguish and dwell a lot before getting up from bed.