My Ex-Boyfriend Is My Professor (Under Edited)

CHAPTER 42

"How do I know if it's time to give up?" I asked Mama Lorna.

Akala ko handa na ako, kala ko kaya ko na, akala ko nakaahon na ako sa sakit na idinulot nila sa akin. Pero mali pala ako, mali ako ng inakala. The young me thought it was all flushed cheeks, butterflies in the stomach and uneven breathing.

The young me didn't know there were bullets, waiting for the perfect time to fire me in the chest. And they won't stop 'til my blood run dry. Yung tipong pakiramdam ko ay ayos na ako pero hindi pa pala sa tuwing kaharap ko ang isa sa mga taong nanakit sa akin, isa sa mga taong iniwan akong nagiisang lumalaban.

The young me wasn't aware that love and pain come hand in hand. And I didn't even prepare for it because I was young.

"Child, you don't quit when you're tired." A sweet smile sat on her lips as she reached for my hand. "Not even when you're lost. And definitely not when you're hopeless. You may take a break, you may press pause, but you don't exit. But when the pain gets bigger than the love, that's when you give up."

I stare at her awe, didn't even bother to say something. She squeez my hand before her right hand hold my cheeks.

"Protect your heart at all costs, my child."

These past days I'm a mess, a broken masterpiece. I'm always grumpy, annoyed, and always about to explode. I'm always at the edge of breaking down, always about to cry.

Dahil siguro yun sa taong bumalik, bumalik na lang bigla na para bang walang ginawang mali sa akin. He may not do anything to me physically but he did hurt me emotionally.

Anything can easily trigger me, may it be a word, a song, a line in a book, a movie scene, even the person I love talking to. You can name it. They can easily ruin my mood. Sa nagdaang araw na minabuti kong iwasan ay natatakot na akong lumapit o malapit siya.

I feel like I'm a rain that is about to pour, a spilled ink in an almost finished art, a lost kitten in the street, a broken guitar, an unfinished poetry, a cold tea in rainy days, a hot coffee waiting for someone to budge and spill all of me, a broken melody, and a forgotten memory.

These past days, I feel like a train, not stopping even if there's someone in my way, a thunderstorm that is ready to destroy.

Lately, I feel like I'm a walking ticking bomb waiting for my time to explode, devastate everything around me and leave them in ruins.

"Tyrell, tara na!"

Isinabit ko ang bag ko sa balikat ko bago lumabas ng bahay, wala si mama dahil may pinuntahan sa kabilang baryo kaya niluck ko ang bahay bago binalingan ng tingin si Faith na nakabusangot na nakatayo, naghihintay sa akin kanina pa.

"Tagal mo talaga! Nagpapagong ka na naman." Ani nito. Napatigil pa ako ng pamilyar sa akin ang sinaryo pero agad ko ring inilingan.

"Sorry, pinapakain ko pa ang mga aso."

Tumango naman siya at nagsimula na kaming maglakad hanggang sa nakaabot kami sa may kanto ay naghintay kami ng masasakyan. Malapit man ang baryo namin sa school ay hindi imposibling mala-late kami.

Nang nakahanap kami ay agad rin naman kaming sumakay, tahimik naman akong nakaupo iniisip kung ano ang mangyayari mamaya. Lumalakas ang tibok ng puso ko ng nakita ko na ang gate ng school, sininyasan ko naman si Faith na magbayad na siya para hindi na kami magtagal pa na sinunod naman nito.

"Tara na, Faith, baka ma-late pa tayo.." Sabi ko ng nakababa na.

"Okay! Tara na!"

Napailing na lang ako at sumunod sa kaniya, hindi rin naman nagtagal ay nakapasok na kami sa room, gaya ng nakasanayan ay maingay ang kakalase ko, may mga nagtatakbohan pa, may mga nagma-make up, may sumisigaw at kasabay pa nito ang mga makukulit kong nga kakalse. Perks of having no teacher.