New Moon- Jaspers tale

Alice-Asylum part 1

I can't believe it's happened, our family is divided. I still can't believe he didn't let me say goodbye to Bella, he knows I love her as a sister so why wouldn't he let me say goodbye?
I feel broken, like this is my fault. If I hadn't pushed so hard for the party then none of this would have happened.
I need to remember every day we spent together, since he took away my only human friend. I told him he was being stupid leaving her alone and defenseless, what if Victoria comes back? Laurent isn't a problem anymore since he is loved up in Denali with our cousin Irina, living a vegetarian lifestyle like us, plus he is being watched by family. There was something about Victoria though, she was too wild and confident to let Edward get away with killing her mate James. She might come back for Edward and decide upon a snack.
All of this however is background worry as me and Jasper are traveling to see what my human life was like in the asylum.
I'm really scared I'm going to remember lots of horrible experiences and that my human existence was awful but I'm even more worried that I still won't remember a thing. Everyone has memories from their human life, even Emmett who remembers the least. He remembers feeling tough, and he is sure it's linked to his human family he left behind. A younger brother and sister, he looked out for them and protected them, but he can't remember his family. He only remembers feeling like a protector, he can't even remember his last name to find them, although they are most likely dead now.
Jasper has circled a local hospital knowing its nearby, but I don't remember anything on this map. He pulls in to a graveyard and I understand instantly why. I begin searching but not really wanting to find anything, thankfully I recognize nothing. It makes me feel empty, like an actual monster. Could some of these graves belong to nice neighbors, friends, people who would have known me in my previous life, but now I have no idea who they are. Could I have even loved some of these names?
I try to act normal for Jasper as I don't want to worry him, but I feel ashamed that I know no one. He stops at a grave and frantically looks around for someone else, so he has found either my grave or a family members, I don't want to see it, I'm not ready.
At last Jasper decides it's time to leave and so we get back in the car, he double checks the map and again we are off. Eventually we reach the right place, the building is decaying covered in moss and ash. It must have been slightly burnt down I guess but then the cold has attacked it too.
As I let go of Jaspers hand feeling that I need to follow a particular root a smell hits my nose, and it stings. In our path is the most frightening thing I've ever seen. I'm rooted to the spot, I can't move, all I can do is hope Jasper sees it too.