No Good For You

XLIV

I'd cleaned and taped up Riot's hand.

"Do you wanna tell me why you got in a fight with your mirror?" I asked as I put everything away.
He just stared at me.

"You gotta stop doin' that." I snickered.
"Doin' what?"
"You just stare at me. Like there's somethin' on my face."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay." I scoffed. "Just kinda funny."

"So?" I began again.
"What?"
"Why'd you do it?"
"Felt like hittin' somethin'."
"Because?"
"...I don't know."
"Riot." I sighed.
"I can't tell you."
"Why can't you?"
"Because."
"Because what?"
"I just can't, Leila."
"Fine then."

I took a few steps back.

"Pretend I'm not me." I instructed.
He scoffed.
"I'm serious. Pretend I'm...your new therapist. Go on. Tell me what's on your mind."

He sighed.

"I don't wanna be with Megan anymore." he stated.
"Okay, break up with her."
"Yea, but...then I gotta walk around by myself...lookin' at shit I don't wanna look at."
"What does that mean? What were you doing beforehand?"
"I'd see it. And I'd fuck Megan."

...Excuse me?

"You mean..."
"It was just pent up aggression. I'd see somethin' that would ruin my night and take it out on her. She was okay with it."

'Yea, I bet she fuckin' was.'

"Or when..." he looked down me.
"What?" I wondered.
"Nothin'. I just used to take everything out on her."
"I get it."

"So when you break up with her you'd have to find a different way to deal with that and you don't feel like it?" I wondered.
"Yea."

"Well..." I came up with an idea. "What if when you feel bad you can just tell me and we'll figure some shit out, like..."
He messed with the first aid scissors.
"I don't know, we'll just go do somethin' to get your mind off of it so you don't hurt yourself." I offered.
He looked at me.
"I mean I don't know if you wanna hang out with me and we aren't sleeping together but..."
"We can do that." he agreed.
"Really?" I smiled.
"Yea..."
"Okay. But you have rules."
"What rules?"
"No inappropriate touching. You give me a high five at most."
He rolled his eyes.
"Don't say anything weird either." I clarified.
"Yea, I got it." he sighed.

I didn't know how to speak to him anymore after what I heard last night. I couldn't bring it up. I wanted to ignore it and pretend like I hadn't heard a word but...that was hard. It felt like it was a big deal for him to say what he had.
But I wouldn't talk about it.
I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it either.
But...a part of it is eating me alive.
Even if I did want to talk about it.
What would I say?
How would I bring it up?
'Hey, I heard you talking while I was pretending to be asleep'? No. Absolutely not.

My phone rang and I answered it.

"Hi, baby." I greeted.
"Hey, gorgeous, how are you?" Jack replied.
"I'm okay."
"That's good, uhh...we're going to have to cancel our paint schedule today."
"Aww, why?"
"Something came up. I promise we'll have it tomorrow."
"Okay...it's fine."
"I'll miss you." he stated.
"I'll miss you too."

We hung up.

"Let's do it now." Riot commanded.
"Huh?"
He got down from the counter. "Come on."

He walked out of the bathroom with his hands in his pockets and I just followed behind.

____________________________________

We were in the car and Riot was driving.

"Where are we going?" I wondered.
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"No." he answered.
"...Okay."

We soon arrived at a clothing store. But not just any clothing store. My favorite. Where I get almost everything I own.

We walked inside and I was so excited.
It was like a second home by now.

"We're shopping?!" I asked happily.
"Yea...I ain't really wanna be home and...the clubs ain't open yet, so..."
I stared off at all of the new shoes the store had gotten since the last time I was here.
"Go ahead." he said.
I looked at him. "Huh?"
"Get what you want...or whatever."
"You're serious?"
"Yea."

I took his blessing and quickly hurried off to the shoes. I'd grabbed so many pairs in my size. I was obsessed.

I then went to their dresses section and started grabbing anything I thought was beautiful. I didn't even read the size. After finishing with arms full of stuff I went back to find Riot.

"Is this too much?" I asked.
He looked at me and snickered a bit. "Is that what you want?"
"Well, yea, but I don't even know if half of it will fit."
"Then try it on."
"Come with me to judge." I instructed.
He got up and I handed him all of the stuff then walked to find the fitting room as he followed.

...

I took the first dress and heels then stepped out of the room.

"How is it?" I asked. "And don't be a dick about it. If you don't like it, say it nicely."
He looked up from his phone.

I didn't receive a response.

"Riot?" I called in confusion.
"Hm?" he replied.
"Is that a no?"
"I'm gonna go wait outside." He stood up and walked off.

I was lost as I backed into my fitting room to change again.

He could have just said he didn't like it. But I guess if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.