No Good For You

LVIII

I couldn't sleep at all tonight. I just stared at the wall as I laid there. It was currently 5:37 in the morning and I'd been tossing and turning all night restlessly. When it hits 10am, I have to get ready to leave with Jack. Only four and a half hours left and I couldn't tell if I was excited or sad.
I wasn't excited.
I don't want to go.
But I think it's the smarter option, isn't it?

...

I made it downstairs for breakfast.

There was B and Psycho, but...Riot was no where to be found.

"Morning. They got your favorites since it's your last day." B stated.
I grinned to show my appreciation.
"You don't seem all that excited." he claimed.
"No, I am. I'm still thinking about if I packed everything." I lied.
"Ah."

I sat down and started fixing my plate at the table.

"What time do you leave?" B asked as he sipped his coffee.
"In the next hour."
"Damn. I guess he's eager."
"Yea. He wants to show me his home studio, so...he's kind of excited." I snickered.
"I see."

"Are you sure you want me to go?" I asked.
"Yea. I can't keep you locked here with us all the time. You haven't been away from us for longer than a couple of hours in years. And like I said, he's a pussy. I trust him."
"Yea..."

I tried to come up with another way for him to say no.

"What about Zachariah?" I wondered.
"What he don't know won't hurt him." he stated and took a bite of bacon. "We don't visit him that often in a year anyway. Like what? Once or twice? He'll be alright."
"Right..."

I got a text.

"Hey, I'm halfway there, hope you're ready!" Jack sent.

I didn't respond.

B's phone began to ring.
"I'll be back." he said and left the table to answer it.

I looked at Psycho and he looked at me.

"I'm gonna miss you guys." I told him.
"We'll miss you too."
I looked down at my plate.
"I know you don't wanna go." he stated.
"But I have to."
"Why?"
"To make it last."

I looked up at him as he looked at me.

"I want something that lasts, Psy." I repeated.
He just stared at me.
"This one will last, right? If I go it'll last? I won't feel alone or gross anymore. I'll finally feel loved and healthy. Right?"
"I don't know, Lei..." he answered quietly.
"Why doesn't anyone know?" I sniffed.

"I can tell you what I think. And you take this any way you want." he began. "If your heart's in it, it will last."
I looked at the table.
"Did you hear me?" he asked.
I nodded.

The doorbell rang.

"I got it." he insisted and got up.

I heard the door open then Jack's voice as he greeted Psycho.

I was soon blessed with a kiss on my cheek.
"Good morning, beautiful. Are you ready?"
"Yea, just let me get dressed and I'll get Malcolm to bring my things downstairs."
"Okay."

I got up and walked towards the elevator.

I stopped on Riot's floor first.
When it came to its stop and the doors opened, I saw him opening his bedroom door to go inside.

I just stared as the words didn't leave my mouth. He walked inside.

The elevator began to shut again and I pressed my floor.
I got out and walked to my room but something caught my eye.