No Good For You

LXIII

I made it back to Ezra's room with the food and even told him what Shiloh said.
"Hm..." he responded.
"I'm sorry B and your father make you feel the way you do." I told him.
"Don't worry about it."
"It's hard not to." I replied.
He didn't answer. He just ate a piece of fruit.

I thought about something.

"We should go." I stated.
"Go where?"
"Away."
He just stared at me.
"Only for a little while. Just you and me. You won't have to worry about them and we'd have time to figure this out on our own." I crawled into his lap and straddled it. "Let's go away for a little while. Like a vacation."
He stared at me as he ate a strawberry.

"Just you and me?" he wondered.
"Yea. Just you and me."
"For how long?"
"However long you want."
"Where?"
"Anywhere."
"We gonna tell them?"
"Do you want us to?"
"No."
I smiled and gently held his face in my hands. "We won't tell a soul." I gave him a soft kiss.

____________________________________

B was gone for most of the day so when he left, I snuck into his room and tried looking for whatever device might detach the mechanism he'd put on Ezra.

I was neat as I did so that he wouldn't be able to tell that I had been there. I left his room with two different remotes, hoping one was correct.

"Stand up, please." I told Ezra as I reentered his room.
He looked at me then stood up.
I closely examined the remotes and began taking turns on pressing random buttons on both.

"AH!" he jumped.
"Oh-...sorry." Well now I knew which one controlled it.
I put down the other and continued clicking things.
"FUCK!" he jumped.
"I'm sorry!"
I pressed something else and he winced.
"Sorry!"
"JUST GIVE ME IT!" He snatched it and held down one of the buttons. The thing fell off of his back and onto the floor.
He took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry..." I repeated softly.
He threw the remote in the trash.

While I looked for the remote earlier, Ezra bought us plane tickets and now I was going to go through his closet looking for things I think he should bring. I would still use the suitcase I packed for London.

We'd be flying first class to Greece and I was excited.

"Question." I stated as I walked inside.
"Yea?" He sat on his bed.
"Have you ever been?" I asked as I examined a shirt.
"No. We haven't left the country much."
"Me neither."
"It was your idea!" he snickered.
"Yea, I just saw pictures and thought it looked pretty." I laughed to myself. "I'm hoping for the best."

He got out of bed and came into the closet with me.

I held the shirt up against him.
"It's a nice shirt but it's not...Greece. You know?"
"No." he snickered.
I rolled my eyes. "Men."
I put the shirt back.

"I'm just gonna bring whatever fits in a suitcase." he stated.
"What if nothing matches?"
He shrugged.
"Ezra, you can't do that!" I sighed and turned back around to further examine his closet.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. His lips met my neck. "Say it again."
I giggled. "If I do I think somethin's gonna happen that we don't have time for."
"Mhm." he agreed. His hand slid into the front of my shorts.
"No no no. We have to finish."
He took his hand out and sighed. "Just say it one more time."
"Ezra...we have things to do, baby. You have to let me go."
"Yea, but..." he sucked down my neck. "I really don't want to."
I snickered at him and gently pulled his arms from around me.
"You can hold me as long as you want whenever we finish getting you packed." I promised.
He let go with a sigh.

I looked at him and watched as he walked around me and started forcefully pulling things off of their hangers then throwing them into his suitcase completely disorganized.

He then came back to me and I was picked up, thrown over shoulder, and carried out of the closet and onto his bed.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" I laughed.
"Fuck that." He put his lips on mine.

____________________________________

I was heading to my room to grab my things when I ran into B.

"Hey..." he greeted me.
I ignored him and kept walking.
"Leila."
Ignored.
"Leila, just listen to me!"
"FOR WHAT?!" I shouted and looked at him. "LISTEN TO YOU FOR WHAT?! SO YOU CAN TRY AND JUSTIFY THE SHITTY RELATIONSHIP YOU'RE OKAY WITH HAVING BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BROTHER?!"
He looked away from me.
"YOU SUCK, B! YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FUCKING PERSON! WHAT NORMAL HUMAN BEING CAN HATE A PERSON SO MUCH AND NOT HAVE ANY REASON FOR IT?! YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD AT THAT! HE'S DONE NOTHING TO YOU!"

"Riot killed our mother." he stated.

I just stared at him. "Huh?"

"That's what Zachariah calls it. Riot doesn't know." he continued.
"What do you mean he killed your mother?"
"When Riot was a toddler, he had health issues often for whatever reason. He was in and out of the hospital. Our mother stressed about it because Psycho was a newborn and she still had to worry about him while taking care of whatever the fuck Riot had."
I stood there as I listened.
"One night while Riot was at the hospital and our mother was at home. She got a call saying they needed her to come because Riot was experiencing some weird problem that he's never had before. She rushed to see him and was in full blown panic. Didn't let us go with her because we'd take too long to get ready. So she went alone as Zach watched over us."
He looked at the floor.
"She ain't make it. Car accident. She was rushing to see her son and ran a red light. Eighteen wheeler crashed into her drivers side and the car flipped. We waited hours for a response about Riot. Got nothin'. Me and Zach the only ones that remember her. We don't talk about it. Never did. Ain't even have a funeral. Just moped around for months. Years. But all of a sudden, Riot was back better. Not a single problem after that night. Completely healed. He hadn't been admitted into the hospital for years after that. That pissed Zachariah off. Said it was bullshit that the boy could be healthy while the love of his life was dead."

"That wasn't his fault." I stated.
"I know."
"And you hold that against him. Both of you do."
He didn't answer.
"He didn't kill your mother. He was a child in pain that needed his mother and you hate him for that?"
He sniffed.
"Every so often you give me more and more reasons that you are not at all the person I thought you were."
He looked at me.
"I was afraid of Riot. I thought he was the bad guy. I thought you just wanted us all to be okay. It's the other way around. Riot is the way that he is because of you and your father then you both blame him and treat him worse. You call him destructive and angry or violent because YOU made him that way. If my father went out of his way to hurt me and the one person who was supposed to protect me and be on my side did nothing about it just BECAUSE? I'D BE ANGRY AT THE FUCKING WORLD TOO!" I shouted.

If anything his story had made me angrier.

"AND YOU DON'T GET TO BLAME A TODDLER FOR YOUR MOTHER BEING DEAD! HE WAS SUFFERING! HE WAS IN PAIN AND IF HE DIED THEN WHAT? WOULD YOU HAVE CARED?! IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD CHERISH HIM MORE BECAUSE YOU LOST SOMEONE BUT YOUR BROTHER IS HEALTHY!"
"I know it ain't his fault. That's why I ain't tell him because he'd blame and think less of himself."
"No, but you treat him worse than he could ever treat himself and you don't even tell him why. YOU KNOW IT ISN'T HIS FAULT AND YOU STILL MAKE IT YOUR LIFE'S MISSION TO GET HIM TO HATE HIMSELF!"
He didn't respond.
"You're a terrible person. I want you to know that."

I went to my room.