Chapter 28 Natalie

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Seven days. Its been seven days since my life changed. Seven whole days. One week. That phone call and rushing up to the hospital. Watching my mom die and being dragged away from her is a whole different type of hurt. But she came to me in my dreams last night. I know she wouldnt want me to mope around or be the way I am so I begged for her to give me a sign that everything will be ok and she did. Now I am in the shower cleaning myself up.

Day five was her funeral and I couldnt even stand. I am beyond grateful for my dad, Laura, Layla, Nate and his mom and Justin. They have been with me since that night. Today they can go home I promised that I would go to my normal self if I got the sign, and I did. The sign that she told me that she never left myside and will always watch over me. Day five was much harder espically watching my mom being lowered into the ground.

I shake my head to get rid of this. I dont want to be sad anymore. I need to get back to myself. I get out drying my hair putting it into a messy bun while putting on blue jeans and a tshirt with tennis shoes. I slowly make my way down the steps quietly as everyone is in the living room making small talk. I stop on the fifth step hearing part of a conversation.

I want to make her feel better. I dont know how I never lost a parent and its killing me because I dont know what the fuck to do here. I try to watch tv with her and everything, but she just goes back to sleep. Nate says exhausted

This is a trauma situation Nate. Give her time. She just has to process everything. Remember she raised Natalie until college year. It has more of an effect than youll think. She knows you are here. Hell, she knows we all are just give her time. Natalie will come around. My dad says

I go down the steps and everyone goes quiet. I know one thing for sure though is that I am starving. I havent ate much in the week. I walk into the kitchen everything is clean the whole house is. Fridge and cabinets are stocked up again.

Um is anyone hungry? I ask my own voice sounding foreign

Yeah I am. Layla automatically says

Everyone agrees, and I start making food. I could tell everyone was trying to figure out what to say or how to act. Once I finish cooking our lunch we all sat down at the table.

I um I just want to thank everyone of you for being here for me during this time. I know I havent been much of anything for the past week, but just know Im ok now and that honestly without any of you I dont know how I would have dealt with losing my mom. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Nate squeezes my hand and I look over at him reassuringly. We all ate, and I smiled and did a half real laugh. I wont be back to 100% right away but one day at a time right? After we finish eating Justin and Layla started cleaning up as I walked out back for some much-needed fresh air. I pulled Nate alone with me. Shutting the back door and walking away so if anyone tries to hear than they couldnt.

Whats going baby? Why we walking way our here? Nate asks

I stop just a few feet away.

I just dont want anyone to hear our conversation. Thats all.

About what?

I just want to thank you personally away from everyone. It wasnt fair how I was acting this week. I mean I dont remember anything really, but I do know you was there. Im sorry that I put you through a lot and I can tell you lost a lot of sleep too. But thank you for not giving up or leaving me.

Nate takes me into his arms. I would never do that. You needed me and as your boyfriend it was my job to take care of you. I know I fucked up in the past and left you when you needed me the most, but Im trying to make up for it. I love you Natalie.

I smile against his neck. I hope he stays this way and doesnt go back on his words or mess up. I dont think I can handle losing my mom and Nate all together at the same time.

Thank you.

He hugs me tighter, but I could tell hes weak due to no sleep.

How long has it been since you got some sleep?

Ive been sleeping here and there no more than a few hours a day. Nate admits

Nathan. I scowl at him

You came first Natalie. I was terrified if I even took my eyes off of you something would happen to you. Yeah I went to eat and shower but someone was in the room while I done that.

I felt sick. Knowing that he risked his own health because of me shows a lot. I look at him with tears in my eyes.

Dont ever do that again. Do you hear me. You need rest and barely getting any hurts me more than you know because I know I done this to you.

Nate shakes his head and when I gave him a look of say something and I slap you. We both smile and I make him go get some rest. I stay outside just a little bit longer. I need to get my mind right. I need to get back to myself. But how do I do that knowing my mother isnt here anymore?

I get up deciding I need to get my phone. I need to make a few phone calls espically to my boss. I walk in going quietly up to my room getting my phone and going back outside in the back. Privacy is the best.

Hello? She answers

Hey. I simply say

Oh Natalie I heard Im so sorry. I lost my mom too, but everyone here understands if you want to delay time of coming or changed your mind all the way around.

Thank you Freya. But Im not canceling I am still coming. Its my dream and I know that my mom wouldnt want me to stop. Hell, if she was here she would kick my butt. I chuckle. Im sorry also about your mother. I just dont know how to start again with her not here.

Oh sweetie its hard but do as how your mother would want you too. Do as she would say for you to do. Ask yourself this what would she say right now if she saw you being sad and or not accomplishing your dreams?

Your right thank you. Ill stay in contact also I do have a design I will email to you.

Sounds good! See you in a month and a half.

With that we hang up. I have six weeks left. Six weeks to get myself right. Six weeks to get Nate to tie loose ends up here for our move. Six whole weeks. Mom Im going to finish my dreams and I will make you proud. I promise.
My dad and Laura are in the spare room, Layla in her room Im pretty sure napping and Nate well hes passed out in my bed. While everyone is resting I am drawing and emailing the dress design. The dress design I drew for my mom for her wedding. I also attached how I would like it to be named after if approved. I smile nodding my head. Im proud of myself. I can do this.

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