Fighting Desires

52

Harriets POV

Three years.

It's been three years since my dad last hugged me. Since he last smiled.

I sigh as I turn around on the bed and look up at the ceiling.

I wish I was home right now so I could visit his grave and be there with Lillian. But I don't have a car, they're both four hours away and curfew.

It's three pm and I've been in bed all day.

I didn't have the energy to get up this morning. I just wanted to lie here and think.

I told Clayton I was sick. I don't know why I didn't tell him the truth. I just...I guess I'm sick of him constantly having to worry about me.

I'm starting to feel like a burden.

He, of course, asked me a million times if I wanted him to stay off and stay with me. I told him to go, but I kind of wish I didn't.

As if he could hear my thoughts, the door suddenly opens and in walks he who shall not be named.

"Hey, love. How are you feeling?" Clayton asks as he closes the door with his foot while throwing his bag on the ground.

"Fine," I tell him as he walks over to me. He kicks off his shoes before hitting my head lightly.

"Move," Clayton says and I roll my eyes as I sit up. He lies down beside me and pulls me back down so my head is resting on his chest.

I sigh as I close my eyes, while he goes on his phone, using one hand to play with my hair.

My mind wanders back to my dad. I remember him on his last few days.

He was pale. So pale.

My dad looked dead before he was and it was hard to see.

Yet he somehow always had a smile.

It was inspiring. The chemo was obviously making him extremely ill. He knew he was dying. Yet he still kept positive.

Even in his last minutes, he didn't seem scared or worried. He seemed...calm.

In his last moments, he told me not to cry. To not be upset. But to be content with knowing that in his last few years, he was happy. Truly happy.

He made me promise not to be too upset after he's gone.

I promised him...

I broke my promise.

"Hey," Clayton says softly and I look up at him confused.

"You're crying. What's wrong?" He asks and I then realise my cheeks are wet. I quickly wipe away my tears before resting my head back on his chest.

"It's nothing" I mumble as I rest my hands on his stomach. "Talk to me, love. What's bothering you?" Clayton whispers, and I sigh

"My dad died this day three years ago" I mumble and he instantly wraps his arms around me.

"Fuck Harriet Im sorry. I didn't know" He mumbles and I chuckle quietly. "Of course you didn't know. I didn't tell you" I chuckle a bit and he sighs.

"You're right. You didn't" he mumbles. "Sorry. I didn't want you to worry" I tell him. "Don't apologise. I just want to know so I can be there for you" Clayton tells me quietly and my lips turn up into a small smile.

"And I'm going to worry about you Harriet, you're my girlfriend" He chuckles and I sigh.

"I know. I'm just sick of feeling like a burden on you" I whisper. "Hey, don't you dare say that. You are not a burden on me Harriet. Nor will you ever be" Clayton tells me in a serious tone.