Slowburn

Chapter 37

        I have never felt more vulnerable and stupid then I did last night. I fell into Renzo like you can fall off a cliff. Head first and with an abrupt end. I didn't realize I would hit the ground and splatter all over myself. 

I had always had this unspoken attraction to Renzo because he is obviously the most handsome man I have ever seen, but I fabricated his attraction to me. People like Renzo like power. They like control. He's even told me as much. 

So, when Renzo teases and attracts a woman to him it's not because he likes her it's because he wants to make her do what he wants, and he wants to be in control. He's always been controlling of me, and I somehow found that oddly attractive, but that's exactly what he wanted me to feel. Like a snake charmer putting me in a trance. 

        The sheets hadn't even gone cold yet, and he was already fully dressed with a foot halfway out the door. I shouldn't be mad at him. I should be mad at myself because I put it into my head that yesterday mattered even in the slightest. 

I was probably his worst sex experience, and he wanted to run outta there and laugh at how lame I truly am. Oh I hate this. I hate this feeling in my gut. I shouldn't be mad at him because he's shown me the type of man he is, but I am mad. I am so mad at him. 

I'm just Rebel on her knees in the office for him, but the long con version of that.

        I remember when he texted me about that exact incident. He said something like 'she doesn't matter to me. It shouldn't have happened' or whatever the heck he said. Oh I wish I could swear at him. I never swear, and I just wanna yell 'asshole' in his face. 

No, he's my boss. OH MY GOD HE IS MY BOSS. How did I forget that? Idiot. Stupid stupid Kat. 

I buried my head under my pillows and groaned. I slept through half the day due to all that sun I had caught, and then the earth shattering sex I had after. Shattering for me at least. He barely felt a tremor. 

I have work tonight from 8-1am. He better not be there. He better not show his face to me when I know he doesn't have to. He only comes when he wants to and today shouldn't be one of those days, because I can't face him after how he walked out on me. 

I would have been a blushing shy mess if the night ended better, but now I would be cringing at myself and probably still blushing anyway, but from shame.

-

        I had no energy to do my hair today for work. I threw it into a messy bun and put on a comfortable stylish romper that was red with floral print all over it. The top ruched over the chest area and had angel straps to keep it in place. 

There aren't as many women working tonight. I think some people were too hungover or went out to do things over the long weekend. I'm surprised Renzo let that happen because this weekend is crazy busy for his gentlemen's club, because men are off work for the holiday and looking to spend money to see some ass. 

        Instead of being with their wives and children they are with their male companions and associates while they laugh too loud and drink too much. Cigar smoke is allowed under the section with ventilation, but I still smell it lingering in the air. 

Dallas was next to go out and dance. She walked by me and blew a kiss before strutting out there. Teagan is here too, but she's doing lap dances tonight. 

I hid in the office right after I passed through, and did what needed to be done as the time passed me by. I like being busy because it makes the time go faster, and since there were so many receipts for last night I was buried with work.