Slowburn

Chapter 44

         I woke up with a text from Val, which was surprising seeing as we haven't talked in weeks. Not since the hospital. I hesitated on opening it because I didn't want to go down this road with him. He still tells me he loves me, and before that made me sad, but now it makes me angry.

That isn't love. He's deranged if he thinks he can justify needing other women for his sexual exploits. He's a pervert is what he is. This text was different though. 

It read: *Val: Kat, I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for being such a douchebag idiot. I make no excuses. I am a cheating pig. You were perfect and I was the problem. I'm a two pump chump and I couldn't handle your sexiness without busting too fast. You deserve better and I know you will find it. I will leave you alone now.* 

        I read and reread this message a few times. It didn't read off the way he usually texts, and I just found it bizarre that he'd apologize out of the blue and tell me he'd leave me alone. I'm glad to know I wasn't the problem though. I thought maybe it was my fault that he had to seek gratification outside of the relationship. 

He called himself a two pump chump and it kind of made me want to laugh. He would stop a lot to calm himself down when we would hook up. I thought it was normal, but Renzo doesn't do that. Maybe he did overcompensate the way Renzo was telling me he did. It brings me perspective.

        I didn't want to open this into a discussion, so I just told him to have a nice life and left it at that. I'm not going to wish harm on the guy. Yes, he cheated, but karma does come back around. I just hope he learns from it to spare future women from experiencing the same heartbreak and confusion all this had brought me. 

Maybe that's why I let Renzo use me for sex again. I just wanted to feel good in the moment and experience something other than polite sex. I've already learned things about myself through all of this. I like to be praised, it makes me feel all hot and bothered, and I learned that I am good at sex. 

Renzo has had a ton of sex with many women and he gave me the thumbs up, so I feel good about that. I'm not a confident woman, but maybe I can find confidence in one thing. I'm worth the hookup...but am I worth the relationship? 

I'm 0/2 right now because yes I consider Renzo blowing me off after sex as a sure sign that sex does not equal feelings or relationships.

-

        All these thoughts had been swirling in my mind at work, so I figured I should stand up and use the bathroom to clear my head. It was inside the bathroom that I felt a weird vibe. Someone was already in one of the stalls, and I went into mine and came out of mine before this person did. Obviously there are different bowel movements and things like that, but it was the sniffling that made me wonder if someone was crying in here. 

I took my time washing my hands to see if I could run into whoever is in here. When I went quiet someone came out, and I realized it was that girl Pandora who hasn't really made an effort to speak with me. 

        "Hey" I smiled, hoping to show a friendly face in case she needed one. She waved and popped her hip out as she washed her hands, and I awkwardly just stood there. Pandora is the girl with the longest legs here. She's very good on the pole. She showed me at closing time once when the patrons were already gone. 

You need serious muscle to get up the pole the way she had. I can't even imagine trying to pull that off without instant neck injuries.

Pandora has the pin straight dark hair and low bridge nose. When she leaned into the mirror to reapply some lip gloss I noticed her eyes weren't red and puffy but rather quite jittery.