Slowburn

Chapter 79

         I was not expecting to receive a phone call from Renzo today asking me to go out with him tonight to some event he needs to attend. He called them associates, which is a little nerve wracking because I don't know what that means in the world of mobsters, but I am just going to pretend it's his legal business associates from the legal side of things. 

He told me not to over think this, and I know he is only inviting me as his entertainment, but I still felt this thrill inside me when he called and asked me to come. It'll be nice to dress up for him and be somewhere other than a bed, at work, or the restaurant. 

        I spent half the day in a frenzy trying to find something to wear that would entice Renzo and keep his eyes on me tonight. I felt embarrassed doing it, but I needed advice from a woman, and ended up calling Grace to ask for her help. She seemed excited, which made me less embarrassed, but still. The shame of getting so done up for a man who warns me every day that I don't mean anything to him beyond the physical is silly and pathetic really.

Grace was kind and lent me a dress, but it was smaller and tighter than I had expected. 

"You look freaking fantastic. Are you kidding?!" She hyped me up when I came out of the room to show her the dress she felt would look best on me. It was burgundy colored and hugged my body in all the right places for sure, but it's a lot for me. Maybe that's the problem. I play it too safe. 

        I took Grace's advice on this and borrowed that dress out of the few I tried on. She was kind enough to even do my make up, though I didn't want much of it. Just something to brighten my face and play up my eyes. I really don't like heels, but I can't wear anything else with a dress like this. 

I just hope Renzo likes it and isn't embarrassed to be showing me to any associate of his. It's a bar though, so it's not sounding very business formal. That's not how mobsters do business. I've learned that much by now.

        If you asked the Kat who was still in New Orleans with her family and a polite boyfriend what she thought her life would look like at this point here in Boston she wouldn't tell you even a quarter of any of this. She would say she found an office job, stayed with her polite boyfriend, and started college when she could afford it. She made modest friends with equally shy people and things just went on with no bumps, divots, or surprises. 

But if you told Kat back then that she'd meet a man like Renzo, that she'd fall into him and his dark dangerous world and that she'd like it. All the dirty new things she's learned in bed...she'd never believe you. 

She'd call it fiction, all the mafia stuff, the guns, the violence, the sex, the passion, the people she's come to care for who all hold secrets, and danger lurks in their everyday decisions and lives...Kat would call you crazy if you told her any of that.

        Maybe some people would think I was better off how I was before. The safe and sweet girl. But I've struggled with money, and hunger, and job searches that didn't go right. I learned that not everyone has good intentions even if I want to see the best in everyone. I learned about cheating and breaking up and heartbreak.

 I learned that handsome strangers with helping hands are probably more trouble than you'd originally signed up for. I learned friends can betray you to save their own skin. That sometimes logic isn't the thing you listen to when passion, and desire, and utter consumption is involved.

I've learned that I don't like violence, or guns, or criminals, but that I like Renzo, his protection, and the rest of the Revello's. Maybe that's one in the same, but that's just something the new Kat doesn't hang herself up on.