you belong with me (Benedict Bridgerton)

Chpt 2: Lavenders

I woke up the next morning confused to why i had woken up on my own and not by Emma. I had not even brushed my hair yet as i made my way downstairs when i suddenly smelled lavenders. I was confused at first to why i knew this familiar smell. But then i realised, it smelled of Lady Danbury.

I creeped into the kitchen, stunned to see Lady Danbury in a glamorous red gown in my small farmhouse kitchen. To say she looked out of place would not give it justice.

Emma and Lady Danbury were sitting at the table staring at me almost as if they were examining me. Beth stood in the corner with her back to me. "Lady Danbury. What a lovely suprise!" i said with a confused expression. "Your right, she is gorgeous but she slouches while she stands" Lady Danbury whispered, but loud enough for me to hear.

I straightened up immediately as if her words were daggers. "With enough practice from me i think she could make it" the lady said. Emma's face lit up. Something i hadn't seen in a long time. "I'm sorry, may i ask why you have come all this way, Lady Danbury?" i said with a fake smile. "Juliet, i've been speaking to Lady Danbury about Mama and our difficulties. And she has come up with a solution" Emma said.

I looked to Beth to see if she knew what was going on but she still had her back turned to me. "And what idea would that be?" i said hoping it wasn't what i was thinking. "I shall sponsor you for the season, my dear. That way you can find a suitable husband to take care of you and your family" Lady Danbury said with a smile, as if i would be pleased.

I honestly thought this was all some jest. A cruel joke at my expense. "What?" i questioned through laughter. "Juliet" Emma began sitting up and taking my hands in hers. She almost looked as if she was pleading me.

"This is a once in a lifetime chance for us. This could be it. Our way out. I could stay here with Beth and Mama, i could release you from that burden. And you Juliet, you can finally find a husband and do your art in your own household. Everything we thought was impossible." My eyes widened until i thought my head would burst.

"You could also-"
"No" i muttered under my breath cutting Emma off. "No?" Lady Danbury questioned, her eyebrow rising in offence. "I apologise, Lady Danbury. A million times over i apologise but i have to politely decline your offer. Thank you" i said giving her a weak curtsy before escaping to the gardens.

They all stayed put in silence. Emma clutched her throat, embarrassment and anxiety washing over her like a tsunami. "If you'll excuse me Lady Danbury, i'm sure my sister is just overwhelmed. Let me fetch her" Emma said before chasing after me.

Emma followed me down the endless meadows of our land until she eventually caught up. She tried to grab my arm to make me listen to her until i shook her off. "Juliet, please you have to listen to me i-" she started but i soon cut her off once again.

"No Emma! This is all nonsense and you know it!" i felt the words come out like fire from my chest. "I can not trick the entire ton nor can i marry someone for their money. I don't even have a dowery, how could i-"

I felt my breathing quicken and my chest close. This has been happening to me since i was a little girl soon after my mother fell ill. It felt as if i was drowning but the water i was in was thick and i would never be able to breathe again.

I sat down in the field and put my head in my knees as i tried to catch my breath. Emma sat next to me and put her hand on my back. I couldn't see her face but i could tell she was tearing up. "I know i am asking much of you, too much of you, but Juliet..." Emma said.

"I want you to never have to worry of such things as i have. Nor Beth. This is not the life you want, you'll understand that soon enough. I want Beth to be able to grow up with the thoughts of a marriage of love. I want people to treat you with respect and dignity as they should. I don't you both to go work for some rich bastards who treat you like shit under your shoe."

I laughed at Emma's foul language. Emma hesitated before laughing along. We laughed for longer than we should have. But i soon quietened down. "I am sorry, Emma" i said wiping my tears. "But i can't do it. I always thought if i married, they would find me instead of choosing me. And i can't leave you. Or Beth. And mama, well she would-"

"It's okay, dearest. I understand i am asking to much of you and i'm sorry" she said pushing the loose hairs out of my eyes. We stayed that way for minutes not saying a word, but both of us knowing we needed it.

We both made our way back towards the house, Emma explaining my desire. I don't believe she took it well due to her storming out and riding her carriage right back to London.

That night i could not sleep. I'm usually a heavy sleeper, nothing can disturb my rest. But tonight was different. I felt guilt. A guilt that built more and more as i tried to close my eyes. I thought about what Emma said, about not wanting us to have the life she has.

Was she truly so unhappy? Was Beth going to be this unhappy? Emma has done everything for me since Papa passed. Why shouldn't i ease her burden and just get married? Even if it was to an old man who i would never grow to love. At least Beth and Emma would be taken care of.

I tossed and turned in my bed until i decided to try and ease my thoughts with some warm milk. But my journey to the kitchen was disrupted by the sound of sobs coming from the garden. I stepped out into the chill of the night, my breath turning to mist as i breathed, to see Emma on the rope swing with a cigarette in her hand.

"Emma?" i called out, shocked to see her smoking. "Juliet, why are you up?" she asked trying to wipe away her tears before i spotted them. I sat in the swing beside her, putting my hand out for a cigarette of my own. as a signal to

The taste was surprisingly strong but not as horrid as i thought. "I could not sleep. Are you quite alright?" i asked. Emma chuckled.  "It does not matter now" she said.
"Well, if you are crying about it, it must matter."

Her lip quivered before she suddenly just broke out into tears. I sat up and rushed to her side immediately. "What are we going to do?" she muttered through sharp breaths. "I never wish to be cruel, which i know is how you and Beth perceive me. Do you even remember what i was like before father died?" she asked.

I shrugged not know how else to answer. "I used jest. I used to believe that one day i would leave this farm. Maybe even have a family of my own. Or even a job i was proud of" she muttered. I had never seen Emma like this. So vulnerable. It pained me to see her so upset.

Emma continued to weep whilst all i could do was hold her hand. Except, there was more i could do. And, why shouldn't i just do it:

"Fine" i said in almost a whisper. Emma looked to me in confusion. "Juliet, i didn't mean-"
"I want to do it, Emma" i reassured her with a weak smile. She gasped before embracing me tightly. I couldn't help but feel i was making a mistake, and of course i was right.

authors note:
-I'm sorry these two chapters were really boring but i had to get them in so you understood the backstory and introduction and stuff. And i know this chapter was really rushed but i want us to get to the good part!!

-Also I promise Benedict is coming in the 4th or 5th chpt❤️‍🩹