you belong with me (Benedict Bridgerton)

Chpt 22: Im Sorry For Your Loss

I don't remember much from that night. I vaguely remember leaving the opera in hysterics and arriving home to Lady Danbury's. Benedict stayed with me that night while i sobbed uncontrollably for hours. I decided i did not want to see Beth. I didn't want to see her like that.

For the next couple of days, i just laid in bed. I didn't sleep, i just stayed awake staring at wall. Benedict visited everyday trying to get me to speak, or read or do anything. But i simply could not.

I was told Lady Danbury herself, went to tell Emma the tragic news as i could not find the strength to go there myself.

I just couldn't face Emma knowing i had left Beth alone that night. It's all i could think about. What if she was scared? I could have been there to hold her while she died but i wasn't. And it was eating away at me.

It had been four days since Beth died. That morning, i heard a knock at my door. It was Lady Danbury. "Miss Bennet" she said coming inside. I didn't answer her. I haven't spoken since that night. I feel if i speak i shall start to cry and never stop.

Lady Danbury sat on the side of my bed. "I lost my husband you know. I think it was the second worst thing to ever happen to me" she said. I turned around to look at her. "Your wondering what the first was?" she said. I stared at her in confusion.

"The worst thing to happen to me was loosing my best friend. Simons mother. She was my best friend throughout my whole life, and i miss her every day" she said.

I looked at her with teary eyes. "Though i could never imagine loosing a sister, i do have some idea of what you are going through" she said giving me a soft smile.

"I'm sorry that happened to you" i said. She looked at me with a sad expression. It was then i began to cry. Lady Danbury embraced me in her arms as i sobbed into her shoulder.

A couple of hours later, i decided to get up and go to Beths room. I looked around and saw all her stuff had already been cleaned out. Except, there was a book on her bed.

I sat on her bed and grabbed the book. I checked her bookmark and she had three pages to go. I took the book and brought it up towards my chest. I felt as though my whole world was crumbling around me.

A maid walked into the room and was taken back to me see me on the bed. "Oh, my apologies Miss. If you need privacy i can leave" the maid said. "No it's alright, really. Is something wrong?" i asked. "You have a visitor Miss" she said.

"Can you please tell them i'm not taking visitors right now" i replied. "She's urging Miss" she said. I rolled my eyes slightly and made my way downstairs.

I walked into the drawing room and was beyond shocked to see who was there. A wave of anger came over me. "What the hell are you doing here?" i said furiously.

Alice Carter was sitting on the sofa. "I just wanted to talk" she said quietly. "Yea well if you haven't heard i'm not taking visitors at the moment so, i'm sure you can escort yourself out" i said about to slam the door.

"Wait!.. Please just, five minutes of your time" she pleaded. I stood there for a moment just scowling at her. "I'll give you four" i said walking over to the opposite couch.

She sat there uncomfortably for a moment. "Well? Get on with it" i said. She took a deep breath in. "I wanted to give my condolences for your sister. I know it's hard to loose a sibling... And i wanted to apologise for everything else that's happened this season" she said looking down at the floor.

I stared at her with a blank expression. "Thank you for ur condolences, are you finished?" i asked. I could see Alice getting more and more uncomfortable.

"I lost my older brother before the season started. He was engaged and was meant to keep the family name going. When he passed, i had to step in to fill his shoes. All my life, i was told that i could marry whoever i choose or stay a spinster for all they care as long as my brother married. So... When the circumstances changed, i had to do whatever it took to be married by the end of the season" she said.

There was a moment of silence. Then Alice took a deep breath in as she began to cry. "He killed himself" she said through tears.

"He didn't have the money to pay back some overdue debts, so he killed himself. And i know i sound selfish saying it but... I despise him for leaving me with this burden. I never even wanted to marry. And then my parents made me study every bachelor in the ton so i could pick out the wealthiest. And Benedict Bridgerton was number one on my list and i swear, i did not know you and him were together. If i had known i would-" Alice said but stopped when she put her head in her hands.

It was in that moment, i realised we were more similar then i could have ever imagined. We were both thrown into the season unwillingly and just trying to help out our families.

I got up off the sofa and sat next to her. She looked up at me as i grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry for your loss" i said.

She lightly smiled at me and i smiled back. "I'm also sorry for being such a bitch to you at the beginning of the season. Just had to slow down the competition" she said with a chuckle. I laughed back.

We talked for a little while just about our siblings and random stuff. Alice was actually quite funny once you got to know her. She left about two hours after.

When Alice left, i went back into Beths room to sit on her bed. Lady Danbury walked in and stood at the door. "Your sister has sent word about Beths funeral. It's tomorrow back at your house" she said.

"I don't know if i can go Lady Danbury. I don't think i can face going back home without Beth" i said looking at the ground. "Miss Bennet, i think it's best you go home... And i think it's best you stay there" she said.

I lifted my head up in surprise. "What?!" i said. "The season is almost over, and you've been through a lot this past couple of days. I think it's best you go home and be there with you sister" she said. "What about Benedict?" i asked. Lady Danbury gave me a sad smile.

"You need to heal on your own Juliet"