Don't Let Him Take Me

What Did You Do?

(Maya's POV*)

I can feel my heart racing. My body hurts and I am breathing rapidly. I can hear snoring and light breathing, but at different paces.

I open my eyes to see Carisi sitting up and Rollins with her head on his lap. They were both asleep.

My legs still sting from the acid, but I manage to sit up and carry myself to the bathroom.

I look into the mirror and see a bruise on my face and scars all over my body. I am so ugly. My legs hurt and the pain is unbearable. I remember back to yesterday when I saw Carisi with a cut and blood on him. He was in pain because of me.

I can't take this anymore. I have been strong for about 6 months now. I haven't cut in a while.

I open the draw in the bathroom and found nail clippers, nail files, and small, sharp scissors. Perfect.

I pick up the scissors and open them up. I sat on the floor and dragged the tip over the skin of my wrist lightly. I left a white scratch. Then I traced over the scratch with a lot of force and watched as blood escaped the cut.

It hurt, but It felt good to release the pain.

I did it again and again until I had 8 bleeding cuts going up my arm. I must have gotten to deep into my depressed thoughts, because I didn't realize that Rollins and Carisi must have woken up.

"Maya? are you okay?" I hear Rollins asked knocking on the door. I sniffle not realizing I am crying.

"Umm.. yea." I choke down tears. I guess she heard that because next thing I knew she was standing inside the room.

"Oh baby, what did you do?" She asked as she grabbed the white towel off the hanger and ran to me. She sat in front of me and took me in her arms. I felt her heart racing against my back. Her arms are wrapped around me, holding me tightly.

She had the white towel around my wrist to stop the bleeding. I could see the blood seeping through the towel. She grabbed another and continued.

"Baby, what did you do?" She asked again gently as I sobbed.

"The pain just wouldn't go away." I said between sobs.

"He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore." She whispered comfortingly.

"I can still feel him on me. In me. I'm not clean." I sobbed harder curled up on her lap as she continued to try and stop the bleeding.

"Shhh.... it will be alright. You're safe. Please, you didn't need to do this." She said.

"It's the only way for the pain to go away." I started to calm down but still crying.

She wrapped gauze around my wrists and threw the others away. She stood up and so did I. She brought me into her arms and hugged me.

"Do you wanna go home?" She asked.

"To where?" I asked into her chest.

"Carisi said you can go to his place."

"Okay," I said. She let me go and we left.

On the way over to his house, she called him and told him that we were on our way over because he left the hospital early.