Don't Let Him Take Me

a year later

(maya's POV*)

It's been a year. One year since i was raped a tortured. One year since i have won my trial and sent them bastards to jail for good. One year since my life was at its worst... and i got to say... ive never been better.

Im loving life right now.  I have been going to school - i havent been bullied - I have my friends back, my grades are up, and im with my family. I live with Carisi full time, but spend a lot of nights out at everyones houses... everyone has rooms for me.

I really love my life. The only thing that still reminds me of my past, are the few nightmares and flashback.

I have really bad PTSD but my counselor says it's normal and okay. Im on depression medication because with out it i cant stop thinking about my past.

Everytime i have a nightmare, i try not to wake anyone up because i want them to know i am okay... they worry about me... a lot. TOO MUCH.

I am not allowed to walk any where or go anywhere alone. There always has to be an adult. Which sucks because i am almost 16 now. I want a normal life.

I understand their reasoning though. It is the smart thing to do considered what i have been through.

I love them so much. i really wouldnt be here with out them. They help me with everything. I am so thankful for them.

And i dont want to hurt them.

I really dont.

But it been one year.

ONE YEAR.

And i just want to know why. Why me?

I am sitting on the edge of my bed, holding the only thing i have left to remind me of my past other than memories. A small, but yet large in my heart, piece of paper. A picture.

The picture.

My family picture from when i was five. I just stare at it, numbly. The way my mom smiles and the way my dad stares into blank space, i love it. I know what he did to me was bad and he was bad, but before all that and before my mom "died", he wasnt all that bad.

Yes the usual fights and shit, but idk. I was still his daughter and i he was still my dad... How could he do that to me?

He really didnt love me?

Like, i just wanted my dad to care about me, but he wanted to hurt me? he did hurt me, in so many ways... and shockingly, more ways mentally than physically.

But physically many ways too.

Thats when the tears come. They start to flood my face and my heart starts to pound at the memories.

I hear Carisi walk through the front door, and i start to wipe my tears because he usually comes and checks on me right when he gets home.

Right on time, i think as he starts to open my door.

"Maya, i was thinking-" he was cut off when he saw me crying with the picture pressed against my chest. "Maya." he looks hurt.

He quickly walks up to me and grabs me softly. He puts his hand on the back of my head on the other on my back. He holds me tight, and i dont even have to tell him anything because he already knows.

"Shh-Shh maya. Its okay babe. I know... It has been a year but it has been a good year. There in jail, never getting out. You will be okay, You are okay baby. Nothing will ever happen to you again."

I start to breathe really fast and my heart pounds really hard..

He pulls me out of the hug and looks at me.

"Did you take your meds?" i shake my head no. "God dammit maya." he whispers and he gets up and runs to the kitchen to get my meds. He came running back with water and pills and i quickly take them.

Then he sits next to me again. "Whats in your hands?"

I show him the picture and he takes it from me. "Oh baby. Why do you have this... You should throw it out doll."

"No." i say trying to rip it out of his hands.

he stands up. " I will not allow you to do this to yourself. Im throwing this out."

"No please Sonny. I need it." I sob.

I can tell he feels bad, but he wants whats best for me. He rips it up.

I sit there in shock. How could he do that.

I try to talk but nothing comes out. "I needed that."

"You dont need that. Theyre just memories now."

"Mom." i say looking at my hands as tears escape my eyes.

"What?"

"That was my family, when they loved me." I said looking at him.

"Your dad is scum... Your mom always loved you, Okay?"

I stay silent. "i-i." i pause... "why me??"

He pulls me into a hug again. "Oh maya... I dont know... I will never know why you... Because youre perfect... How could anyone do that to you?" He asks himself.

"I dont know Carisi thats why i am asking you." I say cracking a smile at my sarcasm.

He starts to laugh. "Oh my god." He says.

I pull away and wipe my tears. "Sorry." I laugh.

"Dont be... I love you. Are you okay?" He asks getting up and walking to the door to leave.

"yea im fine."

"Maya, Are you okay?" He asks again more serious.

"Im okay... I always am."

"Okay good. Now get ready... where going out for dinner tonight with everyone..."

"okay..."

He walks out the room. "one year maya.. One year that you have been better than ever." He yells from the kitchen.

"yea." i smile a little and look down at the floor. "one year".

After that, i never broke down again... I have been strong. I still have nightmares, but that is normal. I always will. But i put everything in the past and i am living my life free now. I LOVE IT.

I love my family so much. Sonny, Olivia, Amanda, Nick, Mike, Munch, Fin, Rafi, and even Captain... I love them all so much.

And I always will.

I know they will always love me.

Much more than my dad did.

But i dont think about him anymore.

I love my life now.

It's only been one year though... Im going to love my life for many more...

And prove my dad wrong...

Im not worthless, or a waste of space.

Im maya... And i will love my life and family forever.

Im over the past.

Past the past.

It's been one year and things couldnt be better.

Im finally..... free.

Free.

___________

THE END...

Guys i am really crying right now. Ive never been so sad ending a story... I hope everyone liked it... Most of you have been with me since the start of the story... But i will be starting a new story soon once i finish the other ones too.... I love you all.... 💔