Into deception

Suffocating

📚

It's been 3 years since that day.

3 whole years and still, I can't seem to sleep.

Some might say "get a therapist" or "try some pills" but I can't, not when half of the world is looking for me. It would be pretty hard to convince a therapist not to call the police and at the same time convince them that I'm not the terrorist that everyone says I am even though every news article says the complete opposite.

- Women bombs the streets of Paris but not before taking three lives as a final end to her vicious night-

when they put it like that even I start to believe them, and I think in a way they aren't too wrong. Most of the people that are after me are cops, the other left-over percentage are just a few other morons who want information about Bane and his crew, which is funny because I never really knew him to begin with so if anything they're just wasting their time.

I lean closer over the balcony staring down at the busy streets below me. There has never been a time where the whole world just fell silent but I guess I should be thankful, it does keep me hidden after all but still, I would love one day to hear nothing but the deafening silence take over.

I mean besides the criminals themselves why would the police think to look for me right in the heart of a city? of course that is why they're all so stupid. They would never think to look for me in the most obvious spots even when it's right in front of them.

It's funny when you're stood hundreds of feet from the ground, everything below looks so tiny, so none important that it makes you feel free almost, light even, It makes you wonder why there's so much evil, why we stress so much over anything really but as you step down onto the streets it all makes sense, it's sad but it's the truth, humans are selfish, they're vile and ugly.

I pull my hood over my head, zipping the zipper fully up, it does get chilly after a while.

"Hey"

I turn to the familiar voice "hey" I faintly smile.

"So, we have a lead"

"You said that the other 90 times"

"Never the patient one are we Mia" she shakes her head smiling down at the lit-up streets below "can't sleep?"

she doesn't look at me though, her eyes stay glued down at the little cars stuck in traffic.

"I'm fine"

"Mmh"

"What?" I let out a breath.

"You always say the same thing "I'm fine" and that's it"

"Well what else would you like me to say?" I smile at her annoyed face "if it was something I couldn't handle I would tell you, you know that"

"In our 3 years of being together not once have you shared any of your thoughts"

"Well that's because I can handle whatever it is"

She stares at me for a long while, trying to read anything that I could accidently let out but unfortunately for her there's not a crack in my mind that will allow any emotion to escape and when she realizes this, just like all the other times, she says the same thing.

"Ready to come in?"

I smile softly "yeah, let's go" as she steps into the warm room I turn back once more sucking in the cold air into my lungs only it gets stuck when a shadow catches my attention. When I snap my gaze towards it there's nothing there, absolutely nothing out of place on the roofs around us.

"What's wrong?"

I swear I saw someo-

"Mia?"

"Yeah, I just-"

"Just what?"

I'm definitely losing my shit "nothing, it was nothing" I close the glass door behind me stealing one last glance at the dark nights sky before skimming over the roofs but it's as still as it will ever be.

"Get some sleep we have a dead mother to find" the lights switches off as she closes her bedroom door leaving me alone in the massive empty kitchen.

"That's if she's even alive" I whisper into the dark space. The door to my bedroom shuts behind me and I drown myself into the warm sheets of my bed. Me and Levi didn't plan on spending this much time together, but shit happened and here we are. I think the reason I'm still chasing this pointless idea is the fact that whoever is at the end of the line is the person who has costed Levi pretty much everything, and if it is in fact my own mother, I don't think I could ever forgive myself.

At the beginning I was just as invested as her in looking for my apparently not so dead but dead mother. But years past by and every lead became boring suddenly till one day she swore she finally got something, the only problem was that the so called strong lead was on the other side of the world and she couldn't just  Scar and Aiden like that. 

I spent the whole day convincing her I'd look after them myself, I can't say it was entirely selfless because I was just using them to get out of going with her. She was hesitant throughout the 2 weeks of me convincing her but she also knew I would never let anything happen to them so she took the deal and let's just say they grew on me more than I would've liked, now every-time I think about them I can't stop smiling.

Aiden and Scar are twins and although they may look similar they couldn't be more different, the only thing they have in common is the fact they love making grown adults feel absolutely stupid. For ten year olds they really do make you question your whole life's worth. It's what I love about them though.

I sigh to myself rubbing my tired eyes, I'd love nothing more than to fall asleep and to just stop thinking but instead I'm stuck in this constant loop of overthinking. I know that if I sleep I'll wake up and everything will all be the same, nothing would change over a couple of hours so I stay awake. I think about everything and nothing all at the same time, it's exhausting.

The briefcase ....

I turn my head to the side seeing the brown case sat on a chair right next to my bed, I'm bored anyways so why not. I stretch over pulling it over to me before crossing my legs getting more comfy. I unbuckle the metal clip and look inside, there's a divider that separates two sides, but both contain a couple of papers that are probably a waste of my time. I take one out reading the bold headline I know all too well.

-SECRET-

Of course it is, I don't even bother reading them anymore as it's always the same with these idiots. They all have one of these in their draws or bags or somewhere, it's a pact or better a promise really that they made to someone to keep all their dirty little secrets and anything else that it lists.

I reach for another paper but instead take out a picture, I swallow a lump in my throat as I inspect it.

The man is standing next to a barn holding a baby in his arms as a woman kisses his smiling cheek. I don't feel bad though, I mean, in a way I do, but mostly I don't if that makes sense.

I would do it again and again if given the chance. I don't have that feeling of sorrow or care as I once did and I won't sit here making excuses like how it's not my fault that I can't feel anything because if anything I take full accountability for what I've done and for what I will do in the future. But fact is he had it coming, and tonight was that night.

I need air.