Into deception

Open wounds

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I lay back down finding the stars I've grown to remember, there's this shiny one that burns brighter than the rest, they're all beautiful though. Each and every single one of them unique and untouched by humanity.

"Why did you run?" He lays down next to me, looking up at the beauty that so many of us just ignore all because we've seen it more than once. I hate that.

"I guess being asked 'how i am' at every second of the day was just a little too much this time" I answer completely honestly. I could lie, but I also know he'd read straight through me.

"You wanna know how I am?"

I do, more than anything actually, when I don't reply he carries on.

"Terrified. I'm terrified Mia, I don't know when you'll change your mind about talking to me, I don't know when you'll finally just walk out of my life. I'm scared every-time I see you because I convince myself it's the last time, so I crawl on my hands and knees stealing every glance I can of you. You, terrify me"

"Talking to you won't change Nicholas. Seeing me more than occasionally on the other hand, honestly I don't even know" it's so quiet, so peaceful. I hate that it's always like this when I'm with him. I hate it. "Are you not gonna ask me how I am?"

"I know how you are, I don't need to ask"

"Of course you do"

"But, I'd love to hear you tell me anyway"

I watch the stars flicker at random times and wonder if when I die I could become one of them. But I'd rather become part of the moon, I'd live there if I could.

"I don't think you're the best person to talk to about my feelings with"

"Because I'm the reason you're angry?"

"Not angry Nicholas, not anymore" it's true, somewhere along the line my anger blurred and I forgot to hold onto it.

"Then what?"

"I don't really know"

"But not anger?"

"No, not anger"

More silence and I begin to feel more like myself.

"I wasn't going to kill myself you know, it's just that when things get too much I need space, I need time"

"I get it, just next time maybe tell someone. It doesn't have to be me or someone you know, tell one of my men, that'll do"

"Your men hate me" I chuckle.

"Which ones?"

"Absolutely not, I'm not going to start naming names just for you to kill them"

"I'll find out one way or another"

"Nicholas I didn't tell you that because I want them gone. I told you because it's the truth, after what I did I wouldn't be surprised if they were planning my death"

"You know that now I have to kill them right?"

"You won't" I say sternly.

"I wont" he replies softly.

There are many things about this world I will never understand, like why Nicholas still listens to me. After everything he still cares, still apparently loves me and still very much would do anything for me. His brain works weirder than anything I've yet to discover.

"You haven't asked me about it"

"It's not my place to ask you of anything Mia"

"But you want to know"