Into deception

Weak to my knees

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"Fine, okay but just give me a few, I'll meet you downstairs" I say as i dig my nails into the palms of my fist. If I wasn't then I'd be crawled up into a ball out of my mind, but there's no way I'm breaking down in front of him. No way.

"Mia-" Max begins when he notices me close my eyes but stops himself right in that moment, that's the best choice he's made tonight. He leaves but someone else apparently didn't get the memo and by someone I mean Bane. He stays put, leaning against one of the walls with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. I need him to leave, why is he still here? did he fall asleep -

"You know, I have analyzed every little thing in my life. I can't tell if it's because I simply don't trust anyone or if I think it's just a skill set everyone in this life should learn" he sighs and I struggle to breath as the seconds painfully pass on through "it took me years and pain learning how to be okay with the things I've realized about some of the people I saw as family, but once I did it became an advantage of a sort. What's funny though is the second I saw you, you were the only thing I ever wanted to analyze for the rest of my life" he stops, looking at me with so much weight "so I know Mia. I know when you get angry before even you do, I know when you're happy and when you're hiding something. And like right now i know you're having a panic attack"

I look up at him with my blurry vision to see him take his hands out of his pockets as he comes on closer towards me, I try and move back but the numbness that has taken hold of my body doesn't let me. I feel the palm of his hands set themselves lightly at either sides of my waist, they're not there with any motive, the longer I think the more I understand he's trying to ground me. My lips begin to completely freeze over and as I bite down to try and feel some sort of something his thumb catches my bite, carefully pulling my lip free grazing over it a couple of times till the tingling sensation passes.

"I don't expect you to not hate me or trust me ever again, or at least not anytime soon. That doesn't mean I have given up hope though, as long as I breathe I'll keep hoping that one day you'll find it in your heart to hear what I have to say. And even if that day comes after 10 years, 20, 50, 80 just know I'll still be waiting, because I don't think I'll ever leave this planet without having made peace with you Mia"

I look at him as he looks back, I feel him as he holds me carefully, but what I feel the most are his words. Truth is I have wanted nothing from him, not for a long long time. But now I don't know. For the first time I don't know what is real anymore, I can't even tell if I'm real let alone what I'm hearing or the fact that I have said his name.

"Nicholas" the feeling of his name being muttered from my mouth is an odd feeling, a bitter and painful one but my tongue and teeth have other thoughts, it likes his name, the way they have to connect in order to pronounce it.

He cups my face so quickly that my head spins for a moment. The way he's staring at me makes me want to cry because he's in pain. He drops to his knees setting his head at my legs and he freezes. I very slowly step away from him but in that moment I too freeze, leaving him like this would never sit right with me no matter how many years would pass by so I crouch down. His head doesn't move to look at me so I'm left to pick it up myself and make him. His glossy eyes finally bore into mine, his tears have intensified the green in them by so much that it feels animated almost.

"We need to go" I whisper, mainly because I don't trust my own voice right now. I'm fighting tears of my own with everything I have left.

"Mia I-" he begins but doesn't finish.

"It's only for tonight. There's 6 hours left before everything goes back to the way it was, so please, don't think anything of this"

"I understand" he mumbles against the palm of my hands as he takes them brining his lips to only lair me with kisses "I understand I do" we stand back up with our hands now interlocked with one and other, they stay like this till we reach the car, I'd pray on my hands knees to have this night erased from my mind.

God please, please don't let me remember this.