Avengers x Reader

Rocket x GN!Reader: Escaping

I was honestly not happy with the last Rocket Raccoon x reader I made, so I decided to step up my game. But at a cost:

TW: DEPRESSION IS HEAVILY FEATURED IN THIS STORY SO BE MINDFUL. THERE IS NO SUICIDE ATTEMPT MADE BUT THE READER IS DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL SO DO NOT READ IF ANYTHING INVOLVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS TRIGGERS YOU, THEN THIS IS NOT FOR YOU. PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING HELP WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS.

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~Y/n's POV~

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, angry. Not at the clock. At myself. I was mad that I was still alive. Every night for God knows how long I would pray I would die in my sleep. But I never did. I was angry at myself that I was still breathing.

I snapped out of those thoughts when I heard a loud banging on my door.

"Coming!" I said, opening the door. I looked down and saw the one and only Rocket Raccoon standing in my doorway. I always got skittish when he was around me.

"U-Uh, hey Rocket. What's up?" I said, cursing myself for mumbling.

"We're landing on Zandar pretty soon, so you got to go take a damn shower. Ya smell like hell."

I felt a small punch to the gut there, emotionally. Not because of his words, but because he was right. I had started slacking on self-care lately. Why should I even bother trying to get better for myself when I just wanted to be dead?

I shouldn't.

"Right, sorry about that."

"'Ts fine... just be sure ta shower before we land, kay?"

"Right."

Before I got ready for my shower, I decided to journal a little bit beforehand. I have always kept about a million different journals in my life; I like journals a lot because I at least know that what is said on a piece of paper will stay on a piece of paper.

When I finished with my journaling, I went ahead and took my shower.

~Rocket's POV~

While Y/n was taking their shower, I was looking for some tape. I thought I last saw them use it so I headed off into their room to go and grab it.

When I entered, I saw how much of a shit-heap it was. It was super messy everywhere except for one spot. Their desk. I saw that the tape was also sitting on the desk, so I headed over to grab it. When I got closer, I saw that the tape was right next to a book. It was titled, "Diary".

"Hmph, never figured them to be the type to keep a diary." I said to myself. I couldn't help myself, ok!? I picked up the diary and opened it to the latest entry.

"I woke up again. Sadly. I hate that I am still alive. That I'm still breathing. I don't want to get better for myself when there is no point in doing it. Every time I think of dying, there is a sense of closure and longing.

I've never turned to drugs or alcohol or stuff like that. Masking the pain only further reminds me that it's there. I want it to be over as quickly as possible...

Why am I still here?"

I didn't know what to think, honestly. I never thought that Y/n was hiding some sort of depression. Although when I thought about it, why didn't I see it sooner? After all, they haven't been doing anything to take care of themself lately. They never come out of their room and even if they do, they are a fucking zombie!!!

~Y/n's POV~

I spent God knows how long just standing in the shower; I just let my body be soaked by the water. I didn't ever wanna take a shower, but when I finally did-- I wanted to stay in the warm water embrace. "That would make a good poem." I thought to myself.

In my head, I knew I had to get out soon or else there would be no warm water for anyone else. So, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I got dressed in the same clothes I have been wearing for days, before heading back into my room.

But then I noticed that my door had been opened a little bit. My heart raced as I thought of who could be in my room. I swung my door open the rest of the way and saw Rocket sitting on my floor right in front of my desk.

Silence hung in the air for so long that I felt like I would choke on it. But when I finally spoke, my voice was shaky and dry. "You read it, didn't you?" Rocket looked at me for a long moment, an expression on his face that I could not place an emotion on it.

"Why didn't you say anything, Y/n? We could've helped you before it got...this bad." 

"Because, I don't matter, Rocket." He looked at me with a look of shock and... pity. "Rocket, come on. I don't want pity."

"We don't want you to die!"

"I KNOW it's selfish, okay!? But I can't help it! I hate myself so much and I literally cannot take anything positive seriously because it isn't serious!!"

"Y/n..." Rocket said after a long moment of silence. "I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that life is easy or perfect or any of that crap. But I am also not going to lie to you and tell you that life won't be good either. Ya just gotta add meaning to life. And if you need someone to help ya, then I will help. Got it?"

"But Rocket... I am a burden. Why would you--"

"Will ya quit saying that? How about this?" He said, standing up from his spot on my floor. "How about when we land, I take you out for drinks? Let you have fun. Okay?"

"Rocket, this won't go away with a couple of drinks..." I muttered.

"No, it won't. But I'm your friend and I want to take you out to have fun. I'm gonna help you through this crap. But let's enjoy ourselves first."

I smiled. He seemed really stubborn to help. I couldn't help it from making me grin like a toddler. "Alright." I walked over and grabbed my journal off my desk. "By the way..." I said, flipping through it. "Did you see the first few pages?"

"No...? Why?"

"Oh, well, that's a shame." I said with a real laugh.

The End~~~!