50- Numb

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TW: behaviors like emotional distance



A knock at the door promptly snaps my focus away from my mental breakdown of the day. It used to be mental breakdown of the week or the month, but lately it's turned to an almost daily thing. Some days they're not too bad. Just a moment or so of some sort of extreme emotion like anger or sadness or guilt, some days it's a few minutes of crying, some days it's feeling numb, some days it's being unable to sleep for hours, and some days it's coming home from tae kwon do, collapsing on the bed and breaking down in tears for hours. Today it's been a general feeling of numbness. I felt panic earlier at the school but I pushed passed it because what else can I do and I guess I laughed with Demetri and Sam at lunch, but it was... hollow. Like I wasn't really there. Like I was doing the bare minimum to keep them off my back about it. I begrudgingly stand up to answer the door, because Abuelita ordered the part we need so I can fix the sink and it's supposed to get here soon.

What I absolutely do not expect is for Ms Diaz to be standing there, beaming like her son has awakened from the dead.

"Hola.. Ms Diaz..." I say, very confused, and though I know my voice is coming out almost blank, I try to make it seemlike I haven't felt like t.v. static all day.

"Miguel is awake! I thought you might want to come see him!" she says. My heart stops for a moment. Miguel is awake?! Her son has awakened from the- basically- dead!

"I- ay Dios mío- that's amazing! I- let me ask my abuela," I say, leaving her in the doorway as I bounce off to where Abuelita is sprucing up the hall bathroom.

"¿Abuelita? ¿Puedo ir al hospital a ver a un amigo (can I go to the hospital to see a friend)?" I ask. My heart is pounding. This is the first thing I've felt other than fear all day.

"Por supuesto, ¡pero regrese a tiempo para la cena (of course, but be back in time for dinner)!" she replies. Yes! Oh my gosh this is- this is insane!

"¡Gracias! I won't be out too late!" I say, moving quickly to my room to get something and also fix my hair and general appearance because I look like I haven't left the house in eight days.

"¿Cuál es el nombre de tu amigo (what's your friend's name)?" she asks from the bathroom. There's not a lot of options.. I have maybe three or four that are actually present right now...

"Uhh Miguel Diaz, desde el otro lado del complejo (from the other side of the complex)," I respond as I pull my hair into a decent ponytail, letting the front parts frame my face. Okay, okay, that's good enough I guess.

"Ahh, Diaz! ¿El es lindo, no (he is cute, no)?" she responds. My face flushes with heat. ¿Qué?

"¡¿Abuelita?!"

"I'm just saying, mi nieta,"

"Ay caramba, I'll see you when I get back, okay?" I say, a little bit of laughter in my voice to indicate that my repose isn't hostile.

"Está bien, ¡e invítalos a cenar (okay, and invite them to dinner)!"

"Okay, ¡Adios!" I say, grabbing my work jacket, my shoes, and something from my bed as I head out of my room. It's hard to walk and put on shoes, especially while trying to hold other things, but I manage to make it back to Ms Diaz in one piece.

"Sorry," I say, though she wears a smile.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she says, "are you ready?"

"As ready as I can be I guess," I reply. With that, the two of us walk down to her car and head off for the hospital.

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