Out of Place [Cobra Kai OC x Robby Keene]

61- That Moment

I pull myself up from the ground, groaning. Ever since what happened with Kreese, I've realized just how off balanced I am. I can't stop thinking about what he said. I'll never betray Miyagi-Do like that... but nevertheless... I can't stop thinking about what he said... I haven't told anybody about it besides Mr Lawrence and Abuelita, who I tell everything to. The majority of my brain knows that everything he said is a trick and a scam and will only end with me getting hurt... but a tiny portion couldn't help but be entranced by the idea of recognition. I've lived in the shadows my entire life. I'm the third wheel. I'm the person who has to walk behind the main two friends when the sidewalk gets too narrow for three people. I'm the person that the other friends ditch at a skating rink. I know part of the reason I stay so in the background is my own doing... but people just... see me as the smart, quiet, nerd. Somebody you ignore unless you need homework answers. And when he told me that I would be wanted, needed even... that tiny portion of my brain couldn't help but wonder... what if..? It also made me think of what Mr LaRusso told us when the former Cobra Kai students joined Miyagi-Do in the summer.

"Cobra Kai sells power... strength..."

"I'll admit, Cobra Kai makes you feel stronger, tougher.. but it will also get you in trouble..."

That's when it hit me how off balanced I was and still feel. If simple words like the ones Kreese said have the power to potentially lure me into a dark place, then I'm already straying from the light... and the truth is, I haven't been balanced since the big fight. Maybe my skills in martial arts have improved greatly. They have. I've learned valuable lessons, both the easy way and the hard way. I'm as physically balanced as ever. But my mind has been all over the place. I'm more paranoid. I'm almost more timid. I feel almost the same way I did in the week or so after my dad hit me. After what Tory did at the laser tag arena... and all the nightmares that followed... it's scary. I won't say it wasn't. I have to admit to myself that I'm scared. I'm just a mess. I've always been a mess, but more so now than ever.

I was also looking for something that I could just... mess up at. I've been doing tae kwon do for so long that I feel like I have to be perfect at it, even though I know that's not the case. I know that one more slip up has the potential to get me kicked out of show choir, so I feel like I have to be perfect at it too. And I've been singing since I was five. My mom and I used to sing together all the time so I feel like if I'm bad it, I'm letting her down, and I can't do that. She would say the exact opposite, so it's really just pressure I'm putting on myself, but still. I wanted something that I could mess up at and the only person I would feel I was letting down was myself. I'm always gonna be hard on myself, but with this, there are no deadlines I have to reach, there's nothing at stake- besides maybe a few scrapes and bruises. It's just... me.

Robby of course was another influence. It reminds me of him, and instead of making me feel like I'm going to go into a crying fit, it makes me smile and reminds me of the days when it was just me and him and Mr LaRusso, doing karate together for the fun and company and comfort it brought to the three of us. Not a day goes by where I don't miss those days.

All of that is why I started learning to skateboard, using the board that Robby left behind when he ran away- I'll obviously give it back when he gets out, and fix or replace it if it gets damaged in any way. I've gotta admit, I'm pretty good. Me: falls off skateboard. Also me: Hey hey I'm pretty good at this. Considering my timid nature and reluctance to try new things that are out of my comfort zone, I picked this up pretty quick. I started practicing behind the apartment complex, and after I learned the basics like getting on and off, finding my footing, pushing off, getting my balance, turning, and stopping- I may or may not have almost crashed face first into a wall-, I started just going around on sidewalks and getting the hang of miscellaneous terrain. Today's challenge was going all the way to the mini mart to get protein bars for an after show choir snack and then back home in one piece. Did I have Abuelita on speed dial, ready to call her the second I got too scared? Perhaps. But I got all the way there without falling or anything and I almost made it back. I almost made it back. But of course, there was a piece of pretty thick wire on the ground right at the entrance, and, of course, I went right over it, lost my balance, and fell. Right here. At the entrance.