Stranger Things Imagines

Grief

Spoilers for vol 2 ahead. Also, I'm sorry. I can't seem to help myself with the sad stuff. There will also be mentions of not eating.

1 month. It's been 1 month since I lost him. All I have left of the only person I've ever loved is the ring I took from his lifeless body. I guess nothing good happens in the love lives of the Buckley sisters. I've been in the same place since we got back. Either I sleep all day or I can't sleep for days at a time. I live with a constant headache from the sobbing and memories that plague me. What's the point of anything anymore?

"Y/N?" I hear my name accompanied by a knock at the door.

"Go away, Robin." I don't look up or move a muscle.

"Steve and Nancy came to see you."

"Hi." I hear their sympathetic voices.

"Please just leave me alone." I plead as a few more tears slip onto my pillow.

"We just wanted to check on you." Nancy informs me.

"When was the last time you showered or brushed your teeth?" Steve asks.

"Or brushed your hair? Or got out of bed and changed your clothes?" Nancy continues as I fiddle with Eddie's ring.

"Wait, Y/N, when was the last time you ate something?" My sister questions as she realises it been a while since she's seen me eat.

Instead of answering the barrage of questions, I break down once again. It's impossible to see anything as the tears distort and blur my vision. The truth is, it's the same answer for practically every question. I've barely done any of it for a month - I've just been in this position stuck in a cycle of guilt, anger and depression. I look like a zombie - a ghost of myself as a result of my state. Suddenly, I feel them all pile onto me - hugging me and comforting me as I cry.

"It's gonna be okay." Nancy assures me.

"We've got you." Steve adds.

When things calm down a little bit, Steve tells me that they were going to get some food before asking what I want.

"Nothing - I'm not really hungry."

"Y/N, you need to eat something - even if it's only a little bit." Nancy insists.

"Please." Robin stares at me with desperation in her eyes.

"Please, princess." I swear I hear Eddie's voice in my head.

"Okay." I sigh.

"What can we get you?" Steve smiles as they all share a look a relief.

"Uh, just a cheeseburger." I shrug. "Please."

"Sure thing. Be back soon." As they head out of my room, I suddenly don't want to be alone.

"Wait! Nance, can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course." She agrees after glancing at the others.

Nancy tells them what she wants before shutting the door behind them. I sit up and lean against the headboard and the wall. Nance makes her way over and sits beside me.

"Thanks." I say quietly.

"What do you want to talk about?" I take a deep breath before answering.

"How do I make the pain go away?" I look down at the ring as my bloodshot eyes begin to sting.

"You don't." She frowns. "Things will get better with time."

"Is that what happened with Barb?" I finally look at her saddened face.

"Sort of. The hurt never really goes away. It kind of eases up as time goes on. But it's always there."

"Not what I was hoping to hear." I respond glumly.

"I don't want to lie to you." At least she's being honest. "When Barb disappeared, it was like I was the only person who cared. Nobody else even seemed to notice she was missing."

"At least they weren't hunting her down like she was some psycho freak killer, right?"

"They don't remember her at all. It's like she never existed."

"Yeah, but it's not the same, Nancy." I snap slightly before softening my tone  out of regret. "Don't you think it's better to be forgotten than to have everyone think that you made some kind of deal with the devil? For them to think you were a monster?" I stutter as I force the words out.

"We know he wasn't like that. We know he was innocent. That's what matters."

"Eddie's name is ruined. He wasn't just innocent, Nance. He was a hero. But they'll never see that. Eddie sacrificed himself to save Hawkins. All they ever did and all they'll ever do is view him as the complete opposite. When all of us are long gone, kids will be learning about what happened - and they will all be told that Eddie 'the freak' Munson caused it. My sweet Eddie. That's not fair, Nancy. That's not fucking fair." My voice cracks constantly as crying continues to be second nature.

"I know it's not. It's not fair at all." She holds my hand for reassurance.

"You know what makes it worse? It feels like nobody cares other than me and Dustin."

"We care. Of course we care. We just didn't know him like you did."

"It was supposed to be me." I sniff between breaths - once again playing with the ring. "I told him to run and he did. But when he realised that I didn't follow him, he rushed back to me. A couple of demobats had bitten my legs but I managed to get them off me. Eddie pushed me out of the way. He sacrificed himself to save me. They ambushed him. I tried to get up and help him but the bats had bitten my legs so much that I was too weak to stand. I couldn't save him. He should've stayed with Dustin like we planned." I cry as I recall the memory.

"He loved you more than life itself, Y/N. Nobody could stop him if he saw you in trouble. You and I both know that he would do it again in a heartbeat."

"I just want him back. I know I can't have him, so I just wish we could swap places. That way things will be how they should've played out."

"As much as it hurts us all that he's gone, we're all glad that you're still here. You have to keep living for him."

"He should be here with us."

"Even if he was here, he wouldn't have a normal or happy life like he deserved. You could've run away but that's such a risk."

"It's a risk we'd be willing to take if it meant we could be happy."

We soon drop the topic and clear the mountain of used tissues from around my bed. I manage to muster up the energy to finally change my clothes - though that's all I can seem to do.

When Robin and Steve eventually come back, they praise me and tell me they're proud that I'm making progress. The 4 of us sit around my room to eat. They got a milkshake to help wash down the burger. I gaze once more at the ring and kiss it gently before taking a small bite. I didn't realise just how hunger I was until I find myself devouring the burger and ultimately stealing some fries from the others. I apologise but they happily share.

I'm so grateful to have these people in my life. I couldn't do this without. Like Nancy said, I have to keep living for Eddie. Carry the truth of his heroism. He didn't die in vain. These people will help me keep the memory of the real Eddie Munson alive. Eddie, I love you.