Stranger Things Imagines

Guilt

Trying to come back from this stuff is always hard. This time we've taken bigger losses making it an even more difficult task. We're all trying to stay strong and keep a straight face - especially for Dustin. Nobody has been trying harder than Steve - the amount of pressure he's been putting on himself is starting to take a toll. Others may not see it as much, but I do behind closed doors.

Neither of us have had the heart or energy to clean up the mess we left the house in. While Steve is out with Robin I decide to finally start on the house. I can't help but get distracted by each item I pick up that holds a memory. It takes a long time but I get most of it sorted. As I finish putting another box of things away, I hear the door open followed by a familiar voice.

"Y/N, I'm back!"

"I'm in here! Did you get the eggs?" I call out to him.

"No, uh, no, I-I forgot. Sorry." He sighs as he walks into the room and straight past me but I shrug it off.

"It's fine. We can just have toast instead."

"Oh, you cleaned." He finally takes a look around - appearing lost or disorientated. "I was gonna help out."

"Yeah, don't worry about it. It needed doing anyway and I didn't want to just sit around doing nothing... Again..." I wave it off.

"I'll help out next time, I promise."

"Hey, you okay?" I ask as I notice his glum and tired state. "Did you get in a fight with Robin or something?"

"No, Robin's fine."

"Then what's the matter?" I look at him with concern.

"Nothing, Y/N, it's nothing. I'm just tired." He denies. Tired? He looks like a corpse with how little sleep he's been getting.

"It doesn't seem like nothing."

"I said it's nothing, Y/N. Can you please just drop it?" He snaps slightly as he gets agitated.

"I'm sorry. I just want to help." I apologise as he sits on the couch with a huff.

Maybe I'm reading into this too much. Maybe he is just tired. Of course he's tired - just look at him. He's 1 minor inconvenience away from never getting out of bed again. I sit in the armchair on the other side of the couch to give him some space whilst letting him know I'm here for him. He stays quiet for a minute before caving in with a sigh.

"I should've stay with her." He doesn't look up.

"What?" I'm caught off guard.

"Max. I should've stayed with her to make sure she was safe and to stop him." My heart breaks as I realise where the conversation is going.

"If you did that then me, Robin and Nance would be dead. She had Lucas. Nobody could've predicted that Jason would appear and screw it all up. Max is in a coma which is best case scenario." I try to rationalise.

"But what about Eddie?" He finally looks at me with tears in his eyes.

"What about him?"

"We stood around for too long and now he's dead and Dustin..." His voice breaks slightly. "Dustin could've died too." A few tears spill at the thought.

"It was a slight hesitation - it wouldn't have made a difference. Besides, you know that's not why. Eddie did what he did to protect Dustin and buy us more time. It was his choice and he's a hero for that." I continue to tell it how it is to combat the glaring survivor's guilt as more tears slowly begin to fall.

"I... I-I told him..." He can't finish his sentence as he finally breaks down.

He's kept this bottled up for a while now and he's reached breaking point. I don't hesitate to leap over to him and wrap my arms around him tight. He instinctively grips onto my arm as he continues sobbing.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. I'm here, Steve. I'm here. You're not alone, I promise. Let it out." I rub his back and try to comfort him.

"I told him not be cute. I told him not to be a hero." Steve manages to choke out the words.

"Yeah, well, it's Eddie. He was never gonna let a Harrington decide his fate." I try to lift his spirits a little bit - hearing a soft chuckle in the process. "Besides, who knows where we'd all be without his sacrifice?"

"I wish I had given him the time of day before Vecna showed up. Somehow I feel like we would've gotten along quite well." He flashes a weak smile as he pulls away from the hug and wipes away his tears.

"You guys would've caused so much chaos with Dustin." I  smile back.

We continue to talk about everything for a little while longer. Soon enough, his breathing returns to normal and his face is stained with tears as his bloodshot eyes remain. Eventually, Steve drags himself upstairs and sleeps for a long time. He needs it, so I'm glad he's finally catching up on the sleep he needs. He's promised to be more vulnerable with Dustin, showing that they're in the same boat. We will always remember Eddie - the real Eddie.