20. Hole in the wall

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Tuesday morning my alarm went off and unlike every weekday morning up until now I groaned and hit it turning it off then rolling back over under my sheets. I could not deal with today. I planned on staying here again at home all day. At least yesterday I'd lied to my Dad that I'd been sent home for being unwell. It meant that forty minutes after my alarm when he came looking for me he didn't question anything simply putting a coffee for me on the bedside table then telling me he was leaving for work soon and I should rest.

I went back to sleep.

I woke up to my phone buzzing on the bedside table. Glancing over I saw Daniel's name spread it as he called me it soon stopping being replaced by a notification that I had two texts and three missed calls from him. Obviously he now knew I'd skipped work. He would probably sack me for this, looking for an excuse after yesterday. I clicked to light up my phone again this time reading that it was now twenty past nine. Should I go back to sleep? I wanted to but as I closed my eyes this time all I could think about was yesterday with Daniel.

I'd put on a brave face but honestly it hurt. He was the second guy I'd been with in a sexual way and although I knew before doing anything with him there was a good chance that he wouldn't want it to happen again I never imagined he would of acted how he did. He made me feel worthless like he got what he wanted and was done with me.

Not only did he make me feel like crap but ultimately I knew it was my fault for doing it with him. Not having the self control or respect to myself to say no lets wait and figure us out first. Anyway what did I get out of it? Nothing because he was all for himself and his sexual needs. That's how I should of known that he wasn't right because if he cared about me in the slightest he'd of wanted to make me feel good and not once had he touched me.

With the biggest sigh I forced myself up and out bed and to go shower. After I'd go grab too much food and come get into bed.

Perhaps I'd feel so bad for myself I'd contact Jordan or even Reese if I could find some way to just so they could tell me I'm not a bad person already knowing both of them would as well as giving me the affection I know I deserved. I deserved to feel wanted. Daniel didn't make me feel like that.
Just as I stepped out my shower I heard banging on the door downstairs.

Probably the postman.

I wrapped the towel around my entire body shoulders too trying to get warm distracted when my phone rang on the sink edge... Daniel again. The front door was still banging making me go check it out. I adjusted my towel to around my waist ensuring it was tight and wouldn't drop before I jogged down the stairs holding the towel still not trusting it. I don't know who I was expecting but Daniel, red faced and ranting into his phone at his ear wasn't it.

I groaned and started closing the door on him. Of course he wouldn't let me sticking his foot out in the way as well as grabbing it with his hand.

"My Dad's home." I lie knowing its the easiest way to get him to leave.

"Don't lie." He rolls his eyes. "I want to talk don't be childish."

"Honestly Daniel I'm bored of this. You act like and tell me how I'm a child or immature or too young whatever so stop trying. Either you want me or you don't. I'm done with the back and forth from you." I try standing my ground knowing now what I wanted only it was harder to say to his face than to myself in the mirror because he made me want to say fuck it mess with me all you want I don't care as long as I have some of your attention.

"Can I come inside? Everyone will talk." He whispers. I should be annoyed that again he cares what others think but this time his right. I don't need the entire street talking about us and it getting back to my Dad. So without a word I step back away from the door letting him push on it until its wide enough that he can come inside with me. "Shall we talk in your room?" He asks looking straight towards the stairs.

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