The Voodoo Doll

Chapter XLIV: The Core

I'm walking down a lone path, forged with dark metal, one that can only be made in the Core, the realm of the demons. My footsteps are heavy, making a wet sound. I stop, look behind me.

I freeze in my tracks.

I have been walking for a very long time, an eternity. My shoes leave a trail of blood behind. No corpses found, only scarlet red footprints on the endless demonic road.

I move forward.

It is only after a while that I remember to look around me. My vision has been that of a horse, only fixed on the path ahead.

I find myself in a garden full of roses, red roses. I try to sense the life in them, but there is none. The roses are...made of fabric, I realize. Sewn on the plastic soil.

It is a fake world. A world made for a doll.

I walk at a slow pace, my wings unable to soar into the pitch black sky. There's ringing in my ears, it hides the noise I keep hearing. Sobbing. I hear muffled sobbing, coming from very far away.

Something tells me to start running. The ringing decreases, followed by the noise getting stronger, clearer.

The horizon starts to show me. A silhouette. A little boy.

Midnight hair. I know him. Colorless eyes. I recognize him. Snow white skin, round face, black clothes. Messy locks, covering most of his face. But I can see, I can see him clearly.

Noah. My son.

I stand before him. I kneel to his level. His back is showing, his face is hidden, his knees are huddled in the embrace of his arms, a fetus outside of his mother's womb.

Noah, my boy, I'm here now. It's okay. I found you. I finally found you.

I touch his shoulder, slightly, slowly turning him around. He doesn't budge, he is stronger than me. I walk around, facing him.

He looks at me, he doesn't recognize me. His face is wet with tears, his eyes have lost the light in them. He is still like I last remember him. He is still one year old. My rosebud boy.

Noah, my boy, come here, come to mama.

Who are you? He says. He breaks my heart with the words.

Where is my mother, lady? Where did they take her?

I am your mother, I whisper, tears in my eyes, matching his own. No, my mother is not you. You left me, you abandoned me. A mother does not abandon her child. That's not what mothers do. Then who is it you are looking for?

My real mother, not you.

And I realize. The ringing in my ears is my own guilt, trying to snap me out of the lies I kept telling myself, over and over, until I believed them. Noah does not belong to me anymore. His heart lies with the ones who took him away while I sobbed in my chambers, unwilling to do a thing. I sobbed and sobbed, telling myself it was the right thing, telling myself the Oracles will return my boy to me one day.

I haven't loved him enough.

No mother abandons her child, not for her kingdom, not for the entire universe.

I haven't loved him enough.

Goodbye, fake mother, Noah tells me. He stands up, his eyes now the color of the roses around us.

Where are you going? Don't go, please

To where my real mother is.

I am your mother, I am her, I gave birth to you, please, Noah