The new marauder

Chapter 45

We all have one of those days sometimes.

A day where you wake up fine and everything is going great until one little thing happens and you don't see the need to exist anymore.

Or a day where you wake up and just don't want to get up and be productive.

And sometimes we have days when we have the overwhelming realization that we exist and we have one life only.

I've woke up with all of these things in mind.

The sun broke through the gap in my curtains, waking me up in a nice calm way. I could hear the birds outside and i walked sleepily into the bathroom when it hit.

Who knew looking in a mirror could mess you up so emotionally bad.

Just a glance and i start to question everything i know.

Why does this happen to people?

Turning on the shower and stepping in, i hope that it will clear my head a bit.

Yeah okay maybe not.

The shower made it worse.

The 'What-If?' questions are swirling round and round in my head so fast that i have to sit down before i fall.

What if?

A dangerous thought to a person in even the best of moods.

I don't know what time it is.

Who invented time?

It seems everything in life revolves around time.

Time to live.

Time to laugh.

Time to be happy or sad.

Emotions can give a person different views on time.

I wonder what other peoples lives are like?

Stressful?

Easy?

Hard?

One might never know, because we are we and I will never be anyone but me.

Unfortunately.

What if everyone saw the world in the colors that their eyes are?

And if so, how would said people know how to describe the color of their world to someone who sees everything in a different way?

My mind is a dangerous thing on the best of days.

But days like these, my mood swings are everywhere.

And my head hurts because of this.

I decide that going to lessons isn't a good decision.

So instead of learning about the importance of school, i instead think about why i am here on this earth.

The existential crisis has begun.

Why don't we do things we know we should be doing?

Like homework or cleaning.

Why does the summer season zoom by but the winter season drag on?

Fun?

Is money evil?

No greed and power is.

Power.

This bad guy, Voldemort, he wants power.

He kills people to get that power.

What would happen if i jumped out this window?

I'm sat on the window sill in my dorm, in the highest tower. The wind is rough and everyone is in class.

If i was to jump, who would miss me?

No one.

But why would i jump?

Because life is hard?

No, everyone has to live even if they don't like it.

Because i'm unhappy?

Because you're unhappy Summer.

You don't show it, but deep deep down, under all those fake smiles and laughs, you're still the scared thirteen year who walked in to her house to find her family dead.

And not feel any type of remorse for your parents.

Because you're a horrible, careless human?

Yes, that is why i would jump.

I gently push open the window, and the room is filled with the sharp, cold air.

Looking down, miles and miles to where the ground is, i think of how much pain i would be in.

But i'd probably already be dead before i reach the ground, out of sheer force.

My right leg hangs over the ledge and soon after, my left.

The only thing stopping me is my hands, gripping the window frame with trembling hands.

Are you going to do this Summer?

What about your friends?

The'd be sad, but what about you?

If you continued living, how would you feel?

Empty.

Empty.

Empty.

So I close my eyes and let go.

And i'm too far gone, emotionally, to hear the cries of shock from behind me.