The bodyguard

Part 33

Do you ever have those months where everything is perfect and you see one little thing and it all changes. Thats me. Its been two months since the correction. The first month i thought positive. I made sure i was happy. I knew what i was doing. I was going out into public. I was having meetings, doing everything my Gran did and I uploaded one picture on Instagram in my crown and a baby blue dress and i was looking through all the hate comments. Ever since that i have gone into depression mode again. Waning my gran and mother to be by the side of me. Not wanting to be here anymore.

I was harming myself. People didn't see it though as I'm always wearing long sleeves. I have pushed robert away to the point that he only comes to me when he is needed which is hardly ever as I'm always in my room. Paul is over everyday and i know Robert keeps asking him to come over to see if he can get it out of me whats wrong but I'm just not opening up.

Im just a mess. Being royal is all fun and games until the stress, depression and tiredness kicks in. I was stood in my mirror looking at the light scars on my arms. They wont be noticeable now as they are light but still i know they are there and I'm wondering why didn't i stop myself.

I pulled my sleeves down as i hear a knock on my door and i pretend to look out the window.

"Quick stop. Heres some food for you" Robert says behind me.

"Thanks but I'm not hungry" i say.

I hear him sigh and the bed creak. I turn around and he sits on the bed smoothing buddy.

"You need to eat princess" he says not looking at me.

"I just cant. I feel sick every time i look at it" i say

"Should i get you a therapist? You need to speak to someone. If its not me or not paul it has to be a therapist" he says now looking at me.

"I don't need a therapist I'm completely fine. Just because im not eating. Im on my period" i lie.

"I know thats a lie because you were on your period two weeks ago" he says.

"Ugh whatever just please leave me alone" i say trying to fight with the tears.

"You are pushing Everyone away ella. I don't think you can see it. You will be sorry when you push people to far" he says standing up.

He walks to the door and walks out. Now i feel even more shittier. I am pushing everyone away. None of my family has came to visit. I have nobody at the moment and thats all my fault. My brain was leading me towards my dressing Table. I open the draw and move a few pairs of socks out of the way and i pick up the gun.

One part of my brain was saying put it back what the fuck are you doing and the other half was saying do it. I check to see if its loaded and it is. I click it back in and i stand looking out the window again. I place the gun to the side of my head and i cry. Maybe its for the best. Maybe i should just do it. Be happier, make everyone else happy. I click the trigger and the door opens.

"ELLA NO!" I hear Paul shout.

He rushes over to be and the trigger pulls and a huge smash was heard. I was fine but my mirror wasn't. Robert grabbed me in his arms and Paul grabs the gun off me.

"Get off me!" I say wriggling.

"Ella Stop!" Robert says in a harsh Tone.

I elbow him in the stomach and Paul tries to Grab me but i knee him in the Balls. The Dog starts to Bark and i make a run for it. I rush Down the Stairs and into The pool room. Hopefully this will be the last place they look.

My heart was pounding and now i want to kill myself even more. I elbowed the man that loves me in the stomach, i kicked my best friend in the Balls, i tried to kill myself with A gun and also i smashed a mirror so thats Ten years of Bad luck. Fuck my life. Im not cut out for this.

"Stay" paul says to me.

I look at him and he was stood there. I run around the other side and he follows. I go to run through the door but i bump into Robert. He grabs me in a tight hold and i just burst out crying.

"Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry" i kept repeating

"Shh" he whispers.

He holds my body and leads me into the next room. He sits down on the sofa with me and paul sits next to me.

"Ella why?" Paul asks.

"I dont wanna be here anymore. Im getting Hate, im not cut out to be queen i should of known that before gran died" i sob.

"Ell Don't say that. You are perfect queen i know it's stressful but when you are pushing us away its even harder because we are here to help you. All your family are. Its a very tough job running a country i take my hat off to your Gran for doing it all them Years" paul says.

"I have been harming myself" i whisper.

"How long has this been going on?" Paul says.

I hug into robert and he hasn't said a word. He just holds me.

"Since last month. I don't know what is Going inside my head. Im either wanting to harm myself or kill myself. Earlier I didn't want to do that but my brain was telling me too" i say.

"You need a therapist or someone to speak to. How about we get that Becca from a couple of years ago back. Im sure she would happily help" paul says.

"Yes please" i cry.

"Okay. I will be back. I love you Ell remember that" paul says kissing the top of my head.

I smile lightly and i cry again. Robert takes my hand and kisses it.

"Never do that again please. My heart shattered Princess I thought you were going to die. My heart wouldn't live" he says.

"Im sorry. I think i need a break" i say.

"I know baby i know. We will talk to your brothers but first please speak to this becca for me. Tell her everything if its not going to be me or paul it needs to be someone" he says.

"I will. Im sorry" i say again.

"Shh. I know" he says hugging into me.

Fuck my life.