The bodyguard

Part 56

I love car drives. Even though it wastes petrol and with prices going up these days its not good but i needed that drive. I have been out now since 3pm and its now 9:30pm. I have been sat outside the palace for about half hour trying to push myself to go back in. I Don't even know if Robert is here. He didn't have a car to get home so maybe he is still at Windsor with the baby. I feel even more shittier leaving the little one but I couldn't let her see me cry.

I finally got the erge to get out of the car and go inside. It was warm in here and the kitchen light was on so i knew someone was here. That was the only light that was on. I didn't go in there though i went straight to the downstairs library and knocked the little light on. Reading would calm me so i sat down and started maybe someday.

I had been reading for about twenty minutes but i feel someone watching me so i look up and Robert was standing in the doorway with the baby monitor in his hand. I close the book and i stand up. I walk towards him and i go to walk past him as I haven't got the energy to talk about it tonight but he opens his arm to stop me.

"Robert please" i whisper

"We need to talk. Im not letting you go without talking first" he says.

"Theres nothing to talk about. I said what i said and thats it" i say trying to push past him.

"Ella please. Sit down" he says.

I do as he says and i sit back on the sofa. Holding back the tears. He takes my hand in his and i look down at them both connected.

"The whole family is worried about you. They knew you were depressed but they didn't want to believe it. You just seem so happy except this past week" he says.

"Its called faking it. Fake smile and fake happiness" i say.

"But why? You have everything. You have a perfect little girl who loves you so much. I love you" he says.

"I know but none of you seem to understand that being queen is a big responsibility. I don't know how gran done it all these years. She was her own hero. But I'm young. Im unexperienced. Its taking a tole on me these days i just need a break" i say fighting back the tears.

"I know you do. How about you go to sleep now tonight and have a think about it. See what could make it better. Make it easier. Make you happy" he says smoothing the top of my hand. "The whole family understand your anxiety and the depression they were just finding it hard to believe thats all" he says.

"I know. I just need a break from everything. I need food a shower and sleep tonight" i say.

He leans in and kisses the top of my head.

"What do you fancy to eat?" He asks.

"I really dont mind what i eat" i say.

"Spaghetti and meatballs?" He asks.

I nod and he pulls me in for a hug.

"Depression is hard. I know how it feels but im here for you. You know that. I have always said we will fix this puzzle together and we will. It breaks we do it all over again its no problem we will get there. Now go and take a shower and i will cook us some food" he says.

I nod and we both stand up. I walk upstairs and I quietly walk into ari's room. She was sleeping and her little snores excaped. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head then went to my room.

I made a fuss of buddy as he was sitting outside it and then i went to shower. I stripped off and walked in. The hot water trickling down my back. It was lovely. Maybe robert is right. Maybe they are just worried about me and didn't believe i have depression. I mean i do put on an amazing fake smile. Its sad really.

I washed my hair and body and i climbed out. I changed into silk pjs and made my way back downstairs with buddy following. I brushed my hair and then went into the kitchen. The food smelt delicious.

"Chef downey at your service. Take a seat" he says pulling a chair out for me.

I give a light smile with my lips and he dishes out food. I would of thought it would of been just me eating as he ate earlier but i thought wrong. He had a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.

I tucked in and i had to admit it was delicious. He was talking about how he learned to make it. He learnt when he was younger by his grandfather as he was a chef. It was a cute story. After we finished i helped clean up and half way through putting the dishes in the dish washer he cuddled me from behind.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" He asks.

"I dont know. Im tired but i want to leave my food go down first" i say.

"Im going to say it again. Im here for you okay? If you want to talk to me about anything im here. Think about how to make being queen easier for you. I will text everyone to come here tomorrow morning and we all talk" he says.

"Okay. I will. Im sorry" i say.

He pulls me in for a hug and he smooths the back of my hair.

"We will all go along with the plan you want" he says.

"Thank you. I think i will go to bed. You dont have to though" i say.

"I will come up in about half hour" he says.

I nod and i walk away from him and up to the bed. I climb under the blankets and i cuddle into buddy. I start thinking and i have one but idea in mind of what im going to do and i dont think any of them will like the idea. I was sitting there thinking was it the best idea or not a very good idea when i had a text come through from Robert.

Robert❤️- i love you always princess. Remember that x

My heart melted and i knew he that he might not be saying that tomorrow when i tell him my idea.