Losing Hope | {BOOK 4}

52| Hard Conversations

"Is everything okay?"

I swallowed, unsure how to respond as Dean rubbed a hand up and down my back while we laid together in our bed. We'd both finished putting the kids to bed and were finally getting a moment alone. There hadn't been many of those in a long time since we'd gotten rid of the Mark of Cain and released the Darkness.

"Maddie told me Zep has powers."

"What?"

"I remembered that she could see the angels' wings like me, and I didn't know if Zep had inherited any of my abilities, so I asked her and she told me he had powers, but she wouldn't say what they were."

Dean's hand stalled on my back and I craned my neck to look up at him. His face was stony as he stared straight ahead, not giving away any emotions in his expression.

"Dean?"

"So, one of our kids sees angel wings and the other has unknown powers?"

"A-apparently..."

I sat up straighter in the bed, adjusting myself so I was facing my husband.

"Are you angry?"

"Angry?" Dean repeated, moving his gaze over to mine. "Why would I be angry?"

"Because I just told you that neither of our kids are normal."

"Well, yeah, but we'll deal with that," he shrugged. "It's not like it's the end of the world. Besides, Maddie basically is normal except for the fact that she sees their wings, right? So she's just fine. And Zep is already practically glued to your side when you're around, so I'm sure he would love having his mom teach him how to hone his abilities, whatever they may be. It'll be fine."

"You know, you're way more chill about this than I thought you would be."

"Ellie, it's okay. We don't have to make a big deal out of this. Especially since there are larger concerns at the moment."

I sighed, knowing he was right. Amos was still alive, and planning something big. We had no idea of what, but if my last conversation I'd had with him was any indication, we weren't going to like whatever he was planning. Plus, there was the fact that Cass had let Lucifer in while we were in Hell, though Dean didn't know about that particular issue and after Lucifer's threat, I wasn't about to bring that one up any time soon.

"Yeah... yeah, I know."

"Tell me more about Amos."

"What?" I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Well, with the exception of a few cryptic texts and phone calls, you've barely told me anything about him," Dean elaborated. "I've been having to get all my information secondhand from Sam, and he doesn't know much more than I do."

"There's not really much to tell, Dean," I shrugged. "I'm pretty clueless myself to specific details about him."

"Well, what happened while you were with him before the angel nuke? Surely you could give those details."

I swallowed, my mind immediately straying to the way Amos had kissed me and I'd kissed back. To the utter calm and peacefulness I'd felt the entire time we'd talked and interacted. To the way I was powerless to his charms, despite every fiber in my being telling me he needed to be stopped before something terrible happened.

"He just wanted to tell me why he killed all those people at that church. He's trying to get God's attention, and it isn't working. Dean, he's not going to stop unless he gets stopped. We have to find some way to kill him."

"And we will," Dean promised. "We're going to find something, don't worry." 

I nodded, curling back into his side once more, drifting off to sleep as he resumed his action of rubbing my back.

⁘

Our next case, we dealt with a banshee. It was killing people at a retirement home, and the only way to kill them was with a gold blade. We didn't have any in the trunk, so I volunteered to head back to the Bunker to pick some up. While I was there, I found Lucifer in one of the rooms tearing through boxes.

"What are you doing here?" I growled.

Lucifer turned, a paper in each hand, to face me. I'd taken out my gun when I'd heard the noise he was making, and was hesitant to lower it, even though I knew it would do no good against the archangel.

"Oh, hello, Ecclesia," he purred.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated through clenched teeth.

"Is it really necessary that you point that silly gun at me, my dear? You and I both know it won't do you any good."

I fumed silently, glaring at him as I lowered the gun slowly.

"Why'd he say yes to you?"

"Well, because I can defeat the Darkness," Lucifer smirked. "I was looking for a spell to draw out Amos, but... there's nothing."

"Yeah... okay."

I turned away from him, heading over to a different area of the storage to look for the blades we needed to fight the banshee.

"You don't think I can do it," Lucifer accused, moving over closer to me.

"I think saying you're going to kill is one thing, but... actually doing it's something totally different."

"What do you mean?"

I flinched away from him as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Why would I tell you anything?" I spat.

"I'm not the bad guy here, Eleanor. I'm here to help get rid of the bad guy. Now, what are you talking about?"

I was silent, weighing my options in my head. I was dying to tell someone about what was really happening between me and Amos, and I knew I couldn't tell Dean because he would more than likely throw a fit when he found out. I could tell Sam, but that would undoubtedly be awkward for both of us. I was sure I would be more willing to tell Cass if he was actually Cass at the moment, but the white wings on his back were a reminder that he had turned over control of his vessel.

"I... I've had two shots at Amos," I whispered finally. "I struck out both times."

"What?" Lucifer asked.

"I don't even know where to start," I shook my head.

"Eleanor," Lucifer touched my shoulder again, and although I flinched again, I didn't move away this time. "Tell me everything."