Losing Hope | {BOOK 4}

55| Deepest, Darkest Desire

Sam, Dean and I entered the salon, and I made sure I stayed on the opposite side of Sam from Dean so he wouldn't try and kiss me to transfer the curse again. Each of us were armed with guns full of witch killing bullets. When we got to the basement, Sam found a locked cabinet and pried open the door.

"Lookie here."

"Hey, hey," Dean smiled, trying to subtly move closer to me, but I moved away from him once more.

"Alright," Sam pulled out the witch's spell book, "got it. It looks like we're dealing with a Qareen."

"Never heard of it," Dean and I chorused.

"It's a creature, corporeal in form. A slave to your commands."

"Kinda like a genie," I proposed.

"I guess. Here we go. Someone chants a curse, lays a wet one on you, then the victim is seduced and killed by the Qareen, but instead of taking on the form of Barbara Eden, they present themselves as their deepest, darkest desire."

"Makes sense why the sitter was killed by the husband," Dean shrugged. "The husband by the sitter."

"Yeah, and why Melissa was attacked by Dan," Sam nodded. "She really loved him."

I laughed and both boys looked at me.

"What?" Dean demanded.

"You know the silver lining to being cursed? I finally get face time with 007. My deepest, darkest desire."

"Seriously?"

"Ever since I was seven," I smirked.

"So, Connery, not Dalton," Dean challenged me.

"Eh. I guess I wouldn't say no to either. Alright, how do we kill it?"

"By stabbing it in its heart," Sam said, reading from the book some more.

"Well, given that it has a giant hole in its chest, does it even have a heart?" Dean asked.

"Apparently not in him. The person who holds the Qareen's heart is the one who commands it."

"So, Sonja the hairdresser."

"Alright, let's find us a heart. I'll take upstairs," Sam said.

"Fine by me," I shrugged, heading further into the basement without waiting to see if Dean was staying down with me or heading up with Sam.

I assumed he went upstairs, considering I was by myself for several minutes searching until I heard someone come up behind me.

"Find anything?"

I turned, coming face to face with Amos.

"I understand, Eleanor," he said.

"Is that right?"

"The longing in your heart, I feel it, too."

I inched toward the knife I'd set down, keeping my eyes locked on the Qareen.

"Well, that's touching. Considering you don't have a heart. Qareen."

"Who I am doesn't matter," the Qareen stated. "The real question is, who are you?"

"What do you mean, who am I?"

"You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it's cloaked in shame. When it comes to this," the Qareen ran a hand down its body almost seductively, "you can't help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in."

I swallowed hard, bobbing my head from side to side.

"Yeah. You know what? You're right. The real Amos does have a hold on me, but you? Are nothing but a cheap imitation."

The Qareen attacked me then, and I evaded it quickly. We continued in an almost dance-like routine until I found myself against a wall, close to getting my heart ripped out of my chest. A second later, it screamed and disappeared, leaving me gasping and looking around the basement.

"Ellie Bear!" Dean yelled as he and Sam came barreling down the stairs.

"Yeah!" I yelled back.

They came bursting in the room a moment later, scanning the room in disarray.

"So, we got it," Sam informed me.

"Yeah," I nodded, breathing heavily.

"It's done."

"You good?" I eyed them both.

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "You good?"

"Mm-hm. Yeah."

I pushed past him and Sam, heading back upstairs and hearing them follow me a moment later. I remained quiet on the drive back as we dropped off Melissa at her house and then headed back to the motel to pack and leave.

"So. You gonna keep us in suspense here, or what?" Dean asked me.

"About what?" I looked over at him.

"Who was it? Connery or Dalton?"

"Neither."

"Huh," Dean turned away, resuming packing his bag.

"It was Amos," I admitted.

Dean didn't respond and Sam looked at him and then at me, picking up his own bag and heading out without a word.

"That surprise you?" Dean asked once the door was shut.

"That doesn't surprise you?"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly?" I echoed. "You seriously think God's brother is my deepest, darkest desire?"

"He isn't?" Dean glared over at me.

"No!" I shook my head. "He can't be!"

"Why not?" he took a challenging step toward me.

"Why? Because if he is, that means I'm..."

"Means you're what?" Dean took another step in my direction. "Complicit? Weak? Evil?"

"For starters, yeah!"

"Ellie. Do you really think you ever had a choice in the matter? He's God's brother, and for some reason, he picked you and that sucks, but if you think I'm gonna blame you or judge you... I'm not."

"You know I want his ass dead," I whispered.

"Yes," Dean nodded, "of course. And I know you've beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us?"

There was a long silence, and all I could think of was how I wished Dean would get more angry with me like I had expected him to. He wasn't supposed to be the level headed one in situations like this. He was always the one who blew up and threw a fit and stormed out the door, while Sam was the understanding one who would talk about feelings.

"Just how bad is it?" he asked me gently after a long silence.

"Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run him through," I explained, voice barely audible. "Send him back to that hole he crawled out of. But when I'm near him, I don't know. Something happens and I can't explain it, but to call it desire or love... it's not that. I'm screwed, Dean. We wanna kill the Darkness. We need to kill the Darkness. And I don't think I can. I'm sorry to do that to you, ya know, but when it comes right down to it..."

"I got it, Ellie."

Dean pulled me into him, leaning down and kissing me before grabbing both of our bags and following me out to where Sam was waiting by the Impala.