Losing Hope | {BOOK 4}

85| Stubborn Ellie

"We made a pact, bound in blood," the reaper continued. "You break that, there's consequences on a cosmic scale. So, who's it gonna be?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as Sam and Dean exchanged a look, unwilling to see who was chosen.

"Me."

My eyes flew open and my jaw dropped as my mom stepped forward to face Billie.

"Mom, no!" I cried.

Billie used her powers to fling, Sam, Dean and I away, focusing on my mother.

"You were going to take me before," Mom continued. "I might not be a Winchester, but I am a Dawson, and you have beef with us, too."

"Works for me," Billie shrugged.

I watched with wide eyes as my mother put her gun to her head.

"Mama!" I cried out.

"No!" Sam and Dean yelled at her.

"I love you," my mom said, staring at me.

Right when she was about to pull the trigger, an angel blade suddenly pierced through Billie's chest from behind and she fell down dead, revealing Cass behind her. Everyone looked shocked, including the angel himself. My mom lowered her gun as Dean helped me to my feet, Sam getting up as well.

"Cass, what have you done?" Dean demanded.

"What had to be done. You know this world- this sad, doomed little world- it needs you. It needs every last Winchester and Dawson it can get, and I will not let you die. I won't let any of you die. And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me. To everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You're welcome."

⁘

"Ellie?"

I didn't respond, keeping my back turned as I adjusted the sheets on the bed.

"Come on, Ellie Bear, talk to me, please."

I continued ignoring him, moving around the bed to put the finishing touches on the covers before heading over to the dresser to grab a change of clothes.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you stop giving me the silent treatment?" he asked me. "Because I am, I swear. If there had been any other way, I wouldn't have made that deal. And it doesn't even matter anymore because Cass killed Billie."

I heard him sigh as I moved back over to the bed, laying the fresh clothes on the covers and stripping down to change. It was quiet for a few minutes, and I was careful not to look over at him as I moved to my side of the bed and turned down the covers to slip underneath the blankets. He walked around to his side of the bed and I immediately rolled over to face the door so I kept my back to him.

"Ellie, will you please just look at me?" he pleaded. "I know I messed up, but this is getting ridiculous. Even Maddie and Zep are picking up on your behavior lately."

I swallowed, but refused to acknowledge his words in any other way. I knew how ridiculously stubborn I was being, and I didn't care. He and Sam had both made a blood pact to die permanently all for the sake of escaping. That wasn't something I could just forgive him for, even if Cass had killed Billie and broken the deal. I felt the other side of the bid dip with his weight as he joined me in the bed.

"I love you," he whispered against my hair, holding me close.

I forced my body to stay tensed in his grip, refusing to relax even when every fiber of my being wanted to. While I laid there, I felt him pull me closer despite the fact I was stiff as a board in his arms and his nose nuzzled into my neck, kissing me softly. It was moments like this that made me want to forgive him until I remembered his crime and forced myself to stay angry with him instead. We'd been going through this whole routine every night for nearly three weeks now.

I probably would have caved a lot sooner if I hadn't gotten my father's stubborn side. For as sweet and as kind as my father acted toward everyone, there were certain people who had managed to get on his bad side. Those people were among the few who ever got to see the cold, unforgiving side of my dad. If John Winchester had ever bothered to show his face after the fight, he would have been one of those people.

Only after I heard his breathing level out and his grip on me loosened ever so slightly did I allow myself to relax in the bed. Part of me considered sleeping somewhere else entirely at night, and another part of me wanted to make him sleep somewhere else entirely at night. But that would require me to talk to him; at least the latter option would. And even though the former would be really easy, I wasn't about to give up my bed when he was the one in the wrong.

Rolling over in his arms, I snuggled into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent. That was another thing I wished I had the strength to resist better. If I could go without that scent for even one night, I would go find a different room. But after two months apart, I needed to breathe that scent at night and hear his steady heartbeat in his chest. I needed to feel his strong arms around me to help me fall asleep.

Yes, during the hours that he was awake, I would put on the front and insist on giving him the silent treatment and ignore him for hours on end. But in reality, I loved Dean Winchester far too much to ever truly stay mad at him for very long. He was the childhood friend who comforted me when my mother died, and fought Zorro for me on Halloween and called me Ellie Bear to give me comfort when he was laying half-dead in a hospital bed after having a major heart attack. He was my husband, and I would always love him, even when he made stupid deals with supernatural beings.