Losing Hope | {BOOK 4}

62| Force Beyond Human Comprehension

Sam, Dean and I stood in front of Chuck, the Samulet still glowing in my hand.

"What the hell's going on here, exactly?" Dean demanded.

"I'm happy to... fill in the blanks, but maybe we should go somewhere where we could actually sit down," Chuck suggested.

"We're not going anywhere with you. Okay, how do we know that you're really Chuck and not just some-"

I looked around as we were suddenly standing in the Bunker.

"-crazy spell or manifest...ation."

My eyes widened as Kevin appeared at Chuck's shoulder.

"Kevin?" Sam asked.

"Guys! You look stressed. Especially you two," Kevin gestured to me and Dean. "I-it's cool. Trust Chuck. Whatever it is he needs you to do, he must think you can handle it. I always trusted you."

"Yeah, that ended well," I quipped.

"How did you- Are you okay, or- uh?" Sam stammered.

"Um... Yeah, I mean, you know, given the circumstances."

"Yeah, I don't mean to interrupt," Chuck cut in. "Kind of a plateful here. And Kevin... you've been in the Veil long enough. It's time to give you an upgrade."

He waved his hand and Kevin transformed into soul-light, ascending through the ceiling.

"Holy crap," Dean swore.

"Okay. So, wow, um, Chuck," Sam chuckled. "Well, I guess we don't call you that, huh?"

"I prefer it," Chuck admitted.

"Okay, uh, 'Chuck' it is. I'm sorry. You're gonna have to, uh, give us a moment to start to process. We didn't know you were around. I mean, we knew about Chuck, we just didn't know about... Chuck. I mean, I-I-I was hoping you were around. I-I-I prayed and I- but I don't know if they got, uh, lost in spam or if-"

"Sam?" I cut him off.

"Yeah?"

"Babbling."

"Okay," Sam shifted on his feet, looking down.

"I'm getting that not everybody is totally on board," Chuck stated, looking at Dean.

"Here's the thing, um... Chuck," Dean began with a deep breath. "And I mean no disrespect. Um... I guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that's great. That's, you know- it's fantastic. Um, but you've been gone a- a... long, long time. And there's so much crap that has gone down on the earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don't know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you aware, o-or did you just tune it out?"

"I was aware, Dean."

"But you did nothing. And, again,  I-I'm not trying to piss you off. You know, I don't want to turn into a pillar of salt."

"I actually... didn't do that," Chuck muttered.

"Okay. People- people pray to you," Dean continued, voice cracking as tears formed in his eyes. "People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing."

"You're frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on- real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, pushing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It's enabling."

"But it didn't get better."

"Well, I've been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has."

"Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you're trying to justify it."

"I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don't confuse me with your dad."

⁘

Dean had left to go pick up the kids while Sam and I stayed behind with Chuck. I was twisting my ring on my finger and chewing on my lip as we sat together at one of the tables in the library.

"You have to understand this about the Darkness- he's relentless, a force beyond human comprehension," Chuck was explaining. "It's the only reason why I came off the sidelines."

"Must have great being his brother, huh?" Sam said.

"It was the worst. Always telling me what to do, making me do what he wanted. I mean, you know how that works."

"So, where is he?" I asked.

"No freakin' idea, guys. I've always had faith in you... even if you didn't return the favor. Where's the guest room? I could use a shower."

"Uh, it's um... just down the hallway," Sam pointed. "The fourth door on the left."

"Hey, Chuck," I sighed. "You know he's got Lucifer, right?"

"Uh huh," he nodded.

"The way we heard it..." Sam began, "um, last time when you bottled the Darkness, it- it took more than just you. I mean, we heard that Lucifer was involved."

"No."

"No?" I echoed.

"Lucifer was perhaps my greatest hope and my bitterest disappointment. Do you think if I could have trusted him for a moment, I would have put him in the Cage? And I wasn't going to mention this, but thank you so much for springing him."

"That wasn't really the plan, um..." Sam tried to defend us.

"Now, as bad as he was, after all this time in prison, he's probably worse," Cuck continued, on a  roll. "And by now, he could have formed an alliance with Amos. Not walking into that trap, guys. So, no. Thus spake the Lord."

Sam and I watched as Chuck headed down the hall without another word. Once he had gone, I buried my face in my hands, letting out a long breath.

"You okay?" Sam asked me.

"This is insane, Sam," I sighed. "I don't..."

"Yeah," he nodded.

The door of the Bunker opened and Maddie and Zep came barreling down the stairs, barely giving Sam or I a glance as they hurried down the hall to go watch TV. Dean came in behind them at a slightly slower rate.

"Where's Chuck?" he asked, joining us in the library.

"Taking a shower," Sam replied.

"Awesome. I'm going to go watch something with the kids."

"Dean, you can't avoid him forever."

"Watch me."

Dean left the room, heading in the direction Maddie and Zep ran off to. Sam sighed, giving me a sympathetic look and also leaving. I took a shaky breath, trying to wrap my brain around everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. I was somewhere in between Sam and Dean on the spectrum of belief and disbelief when it came to learning Chuck was God. I'd never been as faithful as Sam was with prayer and everything, but I also wasn't totally faithless like Dean. I was willing to accept the fact God was back to help stop the Darkness, but part of me was frustrated Chuck didn't reveal himself sooner.

I grabbed myself a glass of whiskey and swiped Sam's laptop, determined to do whatever I could to track down Amos.

"Come on, Amos," I sighed. "Where are you?"

Suddenly, as I sat there at the map table, I was struck by a vision of Amos.

"I've missed you, Eleanor," he informed me. "It's been a while since we've spoken. I'm aware my brother has surfaced. If you should cross paths, if he should reach out to you, he should know this- Lucifer, his favorite, is not doing so well."

Beside him, I saw Lucifer bloody and beaten.

"To say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel. By choosing to ignore me, my brother is allowing this to happen. These and... other things. I thought you should know."

I swallowed as the vision faded away.