Is It Worth It? // Colby Brock

Chapter 37 - Heather

I remember it like it was yesterday. It took me months to trust him again. Even after I told him I was fine and that we would be fine, deep down I still worried.

I worried about what he was doing when he'd come home from work an hour after his shift ended.

I worried when his phone would go off in the middle of the night.

I just worried all the time after what happened.

It was 2 years ago when Brian's coworker, Andrew, messaged me on Facebook and told me he was worried that something was going on with Brian and one of their coworkers named Heather.

She worked as a mechanic with Brian and she was a beautiful girl. She was outgoing, fit, and had long curly dirty blonde hair that any girl would kill to have.

I had only met her once at a Christmas party and right away I got a bad feeling about her.

Her being a beautiful girl working in a shop with a bunch of guys was the first red flag.

When I confronted Brian about Andrew's text, he got super defensive and said Andrew was just trying to start stuff. After I nagged him a bit though, he finally cracked.

He told me that him and Heather hung out sometimes after work and went to lunch sometimes during work but there was nothing going on between them. He saw her as "one of the guys" is what he said.

And the kiss, that was all her. She's the one who kissed him, is what he had said.

I remember how broken I felt after he told me this, I didn't believe him. I said there was no way this was all her but he said it was. He said he would never do that to me.

We were so distant for a long time after that. He promised me there was nothing going on between them and that she came on to him.

After she kissed him, he stopped hanging out with her outside of work. This is what he told me.

It took me months until I trusted him again.

I stopped worrying about it because I finally just  made myself believe him. After all the back and forth it was just easiest for me to believe him.

He had showed me that he deleted her number out of his phone and everything.

But here she is now, sending him 5 snaps in a row.

Brian walked over to me with a confused look in his eyes. I held his phone up to show him. He took his phone from me and shook his head.

"Anna," he started, "I swear to you, you don't have to worry." He sounded a bit nervous but at the same time he sounded sincere.

I looked down at the floor as I picked at my nails. I hadn't seen or heard her name in almost 2 years and now all of a sudden she was snap chatting him again? It didn't make sense.

I felt Brian's hands on my shoulders now.

"Hey, Anna look at me," he said as he lifted my chin with his hand. I looked up at him and he had a small smile on his face.

"I promise you there's nothing going on. Heather and I got through what happened 2 years ago. I didn't talk to her for along time after that, remember?"

I bit my lip and nodded. He continued.

"We talk every now and then at work now and she added me on snap chat not too long ago. We don't talk much on there I swear. I can show you the snaps if you want." Brian laughed a bit, "I have no idea what she's snapping me for anyways."

I shook my head and sat down on the bed. "No it's okay. I don't need to see."

He sat next to me on the bed and took my hand in his his. I looked over at him and that's when I felt tears well up in my eyes.

I didn't know if I was crying because I was remembering those months when I found out about Brian and Heather.

Or if seeing her snap chatting him was triggering my thoughts.

Or maybe I was crying because I was feeling guilty.

I did to him what I accused him of doing to me all those months ago.

I slept with someone else and now I've been sneaking around and I'm planning on going to see the boy I slept with tomorrow.

I held my face in my hands now as I sobbed into them. Was this all a mistake? Was this all wrong?

I wanted to be with Colby so bad but it was all starting to feel so wrong now. Because I remember the feeling of being so hurt, so betrayed thinking that my boyfriend possibly cheated on me.

And now I was doing the same.

I felt Brian pull me into him, "Hey it's okay. Don't cry. I can delete her off of Snapchat if you want me too."

I shook my head again, "no really it's okay." I said as I sniffled a bit. "It took me so long to trust you again, but I trust you now too."

I looked up at Brian and he was smiling lightly, "Good. Because you have nothing to worry about."

Those are the same words I said to him when he was worried about me and Colby together at the beach.

Fuck. I was so confused. What do I do now?

-

I was up late that night. Just thinking about everything.

I wasn't going to tell Colby to not come anymore. I still wanted to see him, but maybe we just wouldn't do certain things that my brain has been thinking about wanting to do all week.

He said next time we see each other we would talk about everything and figure stuff out.

I will tell him how I'm feeling, tell him how I'm feeling guilty about doing all of this behind Brian's back.

It's just so hard because I have never fell so hard for someone before, not even Brian.

With Brian it was months of knowing each other before we actually hung out just the 2 of us. We've had trust issues in the past and it took us so long to get back to normal again.

With Colby, it was only a couple days and it felt like we'd known each other forever. We clicked right away, everything was so easy with him.

I sighed heavily as I rolled over on to my side in bed.

I needed to try and sleep. Tomorrow when I see Colby and when we really talk about everything is when I'll decide what I wanna do.

Because right now, I'm feeling so stuck between too guys that have my heart.