Find Who You Are ( Harry Potter x Male Reader ) [VERY SLOW UPDATES]

Chapter 71

im back anyways

vote in comments what school year you guys want Y/n's dad to die

otherwise its up to me when his reign of terror will end and thats just gonna be whenever i feel like it.

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Y/n's P.O.V.
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After classes, I drag Harry to the same spot I dragged Hermione to yesterday evening.

I let go of him, look Harry in the right in the eyes, and outright ask him, "What are we? And are you as serious about us as I am?"

Harry blinks owlishly at me, but his expression drops suddenly. A pit forming in my stomach at his reaction.

"I...I don't know. I've liked you since our first year at Hogwarts. But I don't think I'm ready for anything serious and I know that I don't want to have to hide my love from people. If I were with you publicly, you would never get to be next in line for your Father and no one would ever support you in the Ministry or in society. We would never be ourselves freely. Maybe it would work later on, but I feel so confused. I don't want to commit when I don't know what I want." Harry solumly tells me.

I feel like a bucket of cold water has been dumped over me. Gut renching sadness and anger at myself fills me. Of course, he would not put himself on the line for me like that. I just want him to be happy, hiding your relationship from the world would hurt anyone. I'm so angry at myself for putting my feelings before Harry's. But, I'm also sad that he would not risk it all for me like I would for him... Maybe Harry just does not want me to throw away my legacy and future for him, like he knows I would.

I swallow the lump in my throat and croak out, jokingly, "Good thing so many pretty French girls can help me distract myself." I drop my fake smile when Harry looks at me with slight jealousy, I tell him, "I...I'll take my leave now. Just know...if you ever do make up your mind, I will be waiting for you with open arms. No matter what you choose. My only want in life is for you to be happy, whether it's with me or not."

I smile at Harry sadly, his regretful face etched into my brain. Hermione and Ron sit in the Gryffindor Common Room, looking at me confused, as I pass hurriedly. I sit in the alcove by the beds in my dorm room. Nyx walks over and jumps into my lap, I pet her as I lean my head on my palm, coving my mouth to muffle the quiet sobs and heavy breaths I take in.

I do not know how much more I can take. So much bad has happened to me in so little time. I miss Mother. I miss her so much. I have been pushing this aside ever since she died, I have forced myself to be strong for the twins, for my friends, for myself, so I could pretend like it does not effect me, like it does not hurt. But it does. It hurts so much, it's so completely overwhelming.

Nyx rubs against me and meows sadly. I laugh and lift my head, snuggling into her fur, hiccuping while I cry. At least I have Nyx.

I wish it were Father six feet under, not my poor, sweet, innocent Mother. It would be a blessing if he died. Even though that would cause so many problems since I cannot fill his spot fully yet. I cannot help but pray it happens.

After awhile I calm down fully. Placing Nyx on my shoulders and walking into the Bathroom, I splash water on my face. I gently wipe my face, trying not to irritate my eyes more than they already are. Staring at myself in the mirror, I bark out a pitiful laugh. I look like hell. My eyes red and puffy, face splotchy, and my hair messy. I decide to leave it, not having enough energy to care right now. While I walk, I feel dizzy, probably from crying so much and so hard. Staying still for a moment, I regain my balance and continue on to the courtyard where we will be welcoming the foreign students, ignoring the dull aching in my head.

I get there in time to greet the incoming foreign students. Sliding up next to my friends, Hermione gives my hand a squeeze, then a sympathetic smile. I smile back pathetically, unable to put much effort into it. Ginny places herself next to me, and clings to my side. I almost forgot that we agreed to pretend at Hogwarts too. I place my arm around her waist, smiling down at her tiredly. She looks concerned for a moment but the arrival of the other schools takes her attention away from me. Hopefully this will take my mind off of everything. Students chatter around us with excitement.

I lean down and whisper into Ginny's ear, "If you make a move now, maybe Christopher won't try and have a fling with the Frenchies like I will be doing."

She glares at me and swats my arm at my teasing.

I raise my free hand in a surrender. Now that I think about it, I cannot even do that because I've promised myself publicly to Ginny. I do not think many students, foreign or not, would be happy with me flirting or being seen flirting, with anyone other than Ginny.

Suddenly a rumble fills the sky and a team of Pegasuses cleave the clouds, pulling a gigantic powder blue carriage. Then, with an earth-shaking thud, the carriage lands. Shortly after, great bubbles begin to roil the glassy surface of Black Lake, a long black mast pierces through the water, rising higher and higher. A black ship rises out of a vigorously rushing whirlpool of water, looking skeletal and ghostly in the half-light.

Students scramble into position and I squeeze Ginny's waist quickly in excitement, she looks up at me and states, "I'm so excited to see and meet all of the new foreign students."

I chuckle at her enthusiasm and tell her, "Then I'm sure we can get to socializing right away."

"Make sure to behave yourself, Y/n. Many eyes will be watching the famous Merlin boy, you can't risk breaking the illusion that we're a happy couple." Ginny quietly warns me.

I sigh and agree, "Yes, yes. I know not to do such a thing. I would rather not get the reputation of being a womanizer."

Dumbledore loudly announces, "Please join me in welcoming the lovely ladies of Beauxbatons Academy of Magic!"

Music begins, light and fanciful, and a woman, whom I know from my studying of the schools coming to Hogwarts, is the Headmistress of Beauxbatons, Madam Maxine. She is beautiful, elegant...and ten feet tall.

Then, one by one, a procession of stunningly gorgeous Beaubaxtons girls enter in a graceful, synchronization. Clad in silky, skin clinging robes.

Oh, Merlin. I am so doomed with staying loyal to Ginny and our fake relationship. These girls are like angels.

Suddenly, one after another, they pitch themselves forward, and cartwheel to the top of the courtyard. Where, allayed in a circle, they wait their last two members, a drop dead gorgeous and graceful girl, and a little primary school girl, who looks a lot like the other girl. They are most likely related in some capacity. They vault side by side to the center of the circle, the older girl pulls out a silk scarf, dangles it from her fingertips, and spins the younger girl like a top. The courtyard full of students, along with myself, roar with approval.

The beautifully luminous girl who did the stunt, scans the crowd, her eyes meeting mine. We hold each other's gaze for a moment. She smiles at me and I smile back at her politely. The kid in front of me steps back and hits me with his shoulder. Rudely, he looks back then turns forward, and pretends he never did that. Bloody asshole.

I glare harshly at his back, looking back up at the girl. But she's turned away now. I feel the need to meet her.