EGO & VENGEANCE

Chapter 23

Kelani

fucks sake I should've closed the blinds before I went to bed. The morning sunlight pierced through the window and lands on my eyes, causing my to squint. Attempting to avoid the light so I can stay in bed, I turn to the other side away from the menacing sun.

And I'm met with Mateo. It was real? It wasn't just a dream? I thought it was just a dream I had... a great one at that.

Feeling Mateos eyes scanning my face as if he was admiring it, his hands on me.

Tingles are sent down my spine as I reminisce about last night, as if I'm feeling his hands caress my waist and back again, his fingers trailing my cheeks, as if I'm enjoying the heat of his body on mine again... as if I'm feeling his lips on mine again. All again.

Usually the things I reminisce are terrors and trauma and I just wish for the flash of agonies to stop popping up in my head.

But this time- I'm reminiscing about something that I'm glad happened and that I wish never ended. But I know had to.

I had to be an idiot and let a small panic take over when Mateo tried lifting off my top. As usual, he stopped when I wanted him to. He tried a second time, and assumed it was an accidental nudge away of his hands.

Really it wasn't accident. I did nudge away his hands subconsciously the first time because I knew it would've lead to something more... and I wasn't ready for that. Plus, in my head- for a split moment, I felt one of my rapists hands on me again. Weather it was Justing or Elias or Rowan- I felt one of them.

But I knew it was Mateo, and I know he didn't have any intention to harm me. But I couldn't help it.

The idea of sex terrifies me. The idea of a man being on top of me, being in me, feeling me makes me sick.

But with Mateo, that fear disappeared for a moment... and I let him kiss me. I let him touch me and hold me. But then the fear came back when I felt him taking off my top, as if I imagined one of those scumbags doing it to me again, to grope my chest and give me the scars that I'm afraid to show.

I shut my eyes tight and gather whatever air I can take in to calm my thoughts, and expecting Mateo to disappear when I open them.

I exhale slowly, letting the air out of my lungs and the anxiety inducing thoughts to release with it. I open my eyes again.

And there he is.

Mateo Askade. Still sleeping in the same bed as me, inches away from my face.

I'm fighting the urge to lift my hand and brush back his black hair that feathers over his eye and soft cheek.

So I just watch him, wondering how this man came into my life in the first place, but more so feeling thankful that Alaiyah had him to look out for her when she felt unsafe being in the house alone with Justin.

I remember her talking about how afraid she was to leave him. She barely even loved the cunt. He'd just threaten her to stay in his sight or cried suicide when she attempted to leave.

I'm not sure if Mateo knew about any of this, but nonetheless he was there for her. Because he wanted to be. And I will always be thankful for him for that.

Mateos chest rises, a few inches away from mine, and falls slowly.

This is the first time I've fallen asleep without trouble, and actually stayed asleep. My sleep debt is unhealthily high since that day.

I guess being in Mateos arms felt like a safe place that I didn't know I needed, and my first safe place at that too.

"If you're gonna keep staring at me like that you can at least give me a good morning kiss" Mateo says in a morning raspy voice that I haven't heard before.