Criminal Minds - PG Mastermind Shuichi AU

Chapter 32: Regrets

Kokichi's POV

I didn't even notice Shuichi black out, he fell back onto the bed with a thump and I continued to cry into his shoulder. Finally, when Shuichi didn't console me, I noticed that he was out cold.

I sighed lovingly, Shuichi was so cute when he was asleep. Though, anything he does is cute to me. I slowly removed myself from Shuichi's grip and tucked my dear beloved into bed. He laid on his back and his right hand was leaning over the bed, I sat down on the floor and grabbed onto Shuichi's hand. His skin was so soft, he was so beautiful, he was absolute perfection.

Suddenly, I began to cry. I started begging for forgiveness. Shuichi was perfect, everything he did brought me immense joy.

Even when he cried out in pain.

I can't even remember when my enjoyment for pain started, maybe watching my mother get beat all the time by my father triggered something. I remember giggling as a child as I saw my mom get a mouth full of my father's fist.

I would never forgive myself for that, I'm unsure how my mother was able to forgive me either. Even after my mother..got rid of my father the pain didn't stop there. My years in middle school consisted of painful punishments from my classmates. They enjoyed my suffering, maybe some liked it too much, it probably rubbed off on my young vulnerable mind. They hated me because I was weird, and I had a huge crush on Shuichi.

It's true, I've loved Shuichi since the moment I laid eyes on him. I wanted him.. No, I needed him to be mine. I never made a move until our first year of high school though, and we ended up together in the beginning of our third year..but then..

I planted soft kisses on Shuichi's hands as I apologized over and over again. Shuichi was my everything, I never meant to make him hurt.

I started to recall the faithful day that made me regret everything.

I was walking to my chemistry class, the thought of Shuichi buzzing in my brain. When I walked into class Shuichi's beautiful golden eyes would light up, he'd give me the sweetest smile and say,

"Hey Kokichi!" His voice was the sweetest thing I've ever heard, like a beautiful melody that calms my senses. I continued to day dream about my boyfriend until I was stopped by Yonaga.

"Hey Oma." She said, I felt overwhelmed in anxiety, I hated talking to people. It felt like every time I spoke, people were judging me, so I kept my mouth shut. The only person I could trust was Shuichi, he was the only one that could make me feel safe. Maybe that's why I cling to him so much.

"H-Hi.." I stuttered, I absolutely hated my stutter, I hated everything about myself. I noticed Momota appear behind Yonaga. I felt my mouth go dry and sweat begin to pour down my forehead. My eyes frantically looked the hallways, looking for some type of escape.

"Yonaga and I were throwing a party, we need you to help plan, and invite Saihara." I was taken aback by the request, I thought they hated Shuichi. I always hated them for that, how could they hate someone as sweet as Shuichi? Just because he loved a show? Or was different?

"W-What..why..?" I was terrified of them to be completely honest. I was scared of what they would do to me.

"So we can humiliate him!~" Yonaga said cheerfully. I was disgusted, they wanted me to hurt my dear Shuichi. I would never do that, that's what I thought, there was no way I could set him up like that.

"If you don't do it we'll kill him." Momota suddenly said, the tone in his voice suggested that he was serious. My body froze, unable to move. Kill him? No..they must be bluffing is what I thought.

"Y-You wouldn't d-dare.." I mumbled, my body began to shake, I wanted to cry. I was so stressed out, I was so weak.

"Just you see, I'll get him all alone where no one will save him and then I'll-" Momota laughed as he described how he'll do the most inhumane acts on Shuichi. I almost threw up, I couldn't let that happen to my dear Shuichi. Knowing Momota always keeps his word, it seems there was no other option than to set my beloved up.

I tried to tell him, but Yonaga always had eyes on me.. She had spies.. Monitoring my every move. And seeing Shuichi so excited made me feel even worse.

"Shuichi.. I never meant to say those things to you.. I'm so sorry.." I cried, why am I like this? I never meant to say those hurtful things.. It's like I'm someone else when I'm mad or stressed. I made Shuichi cry, but yet he still forgave me.

"..I don't deserve you Shuichi..you should just kill me.." I weeped, Shuichi shifted, his front now facing me.

"..mm..Kokichi come here.." Shuichi mumbled, I couldn't resist, I slowly crawled into his arms. I felt my stress fade slowly away as a buried my face into Shuichi's neck. But even though I was calm, the guilt didn't fade.

I could never forgive myself.