rinney- cigarettes out the window

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By age six, Finney hates the smell of cigarettes.

He hates how it clings to everything, seeping into clothes, skin, hair, the walls around it. He hates how at some point the very sight of one makes his lungs close up.

At age thirteen, he nearly has a heart attack when Robin starts showing up to school smelling of smoke. He turns his head away in homeroom, panic seizing him as he waits for the coughing fit.

It never happens.

He still avoids Robin whenever he smells strongly of it. Refuses to go back behind the school with Vance and Robin during lunch, when he knows they'll gossip over a smoke.

The smell follows him everywhere. It's in Robin's clothes, Robin's hair. He constantly chews mint gum, a combination of ADHD and a bad breath deterrent.

He no longer brings Robin home when his father is around, fearing the smell will cling to him too.

At age fifteen, Finney is used to the smell. It's still there. He doesn't think it's a scent one can ever go nose blind too.

But he doesn't hate it anymore.

Robin no longer pretends either. On their walks home smoke wafts down the sidewalk, lit cigarette dangling from his hand, or clamped in his teeth. Unlit ones seem to be a new accessory, held between long fingers, lighter and pack shoved in his back pocket. The teachers cast disapproving looks when he walks down the hall, but Robin had long since won the battle against the smaller things like that.

At seventeen, Finney associates the smell with Robin and only Robin. At seventeen, he cuddles into Robin's jean jackets and breathes in cologne and smoke.

At seventeen, Robin's hands smell like nicotine and Finney scented hand sanitizer. Finney loves it.

At seventeen, Robin smokes three in a row on a bad day, and Finney chastises him as Robin's voice goes rougher and raspier.

He feels bad, being comforted by the smell. He knows how awful it is for Robin's lungs. He hates how Robin's fingers begin to twitch and drum beats in class as he waits for his free period. Robin takes to non-stop chewing and snapping gum during class, and none of the teachers or students can get him to stop.

Robin often promises in between kisses he'll stop one day. Finney kisses him back and makes him swear it.

He still wonders how long the scent will cling to Robin, like it's become embedded in his skin.

At nineteen, Robin comes home with a pack of nicorette gum and a scowl on his face. Finney doesn't tease him, but kisses him.

When Finney is twenty, the scene of cigarettes stays in Denver when they move away. In their new home, it smells only of Robin and Finney, Finney and Robin.

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